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Greatest. Line. Ever. I agree with the entire post you've written here. You've painted my frustration perfectly in sharing yours. I do want to say, though, that this happened to be a single male. That part of the story is really incidental. I'd have done the same with a married male - and to be honest we've had situations somewhat like this with a couple of married men - not quite the same, but certainly ones who were trying to "scam" away their rubber.

I have a thought about this. Perhaps you should suggest to your friends that maybe they should try playing with someone else first. That way they if they have anything negative to deal with it won't involve you guys. If they try it and like it elsewhere, then proceed to enjoy some fun with them! It takes the pressure of having to be their "test run" off of you guys, Van!

Hi surga22 ~ Welcome to the Swingers Board! From the way your post is written, you don't sound excited about - or even interested in - having a MFM with your boyfriend and his best buddy. That right there is reason enough not to consider it. Yes, husbands and boyfriends can enjoy seeing their woman having sex with other men, but that is usually something that they are comfortable with only after the relationship is long-standing, where love, respect, and trust have grown over time. If you are considering the MFM only to please your boyfriend, or because you fear you'll lose him if you don't agree to his request, then I suggest you do not proceed. My gut tells me this guy is only thinking of himself. He may get off on sharing his girlfriends with his buddies...kind of an ego trip for him. He may have a reputation for this behavior among his circle of close buddies. If I were in your shoes, IF/WHEN I was ready to consider a MFM I'd tell my boyfriend this: I'll think about a MFM, however, I'm not interested in your buddy. If I decide to have a MFM I would want to choose the other male, maybe someone I know well and have had sex with before. Of course, you'd get to meet him first to make sure you were comfortable with being in a MFM with him. We both need to be comfortable if we do this. I'd say that to him for two reasons: 1) to test this guy out and 2) to let him know where I stand. If he balked at me having some say in what I DO WITH MY BODY then this guy isn't worth my time of day. I'd drop him. I hope you come back to post and let us know more about you and your relationship with your boyfriend. Ask any further questions you'd like. When the time comes that you feel good and ready to explore MFM sex, the Swingers Board is packed with good information and advice. Please take advantage of what it can offer you. LM

I'm sure you do know your wife very well, though I can honestly tell you that despite having been with Mr. Sweet for 16 years, he STILL gets stuff wrong. But the difference with us is, he knows that he can talk to me about anything. Even if a particular topic or request makes me uncomfortable, I'd rather he just tell me than hide it. It becomes a lie of omission at that point, and the lie (to me) would be worse than whatever he did that he was hiding from me. To answer your original question: YES. By doing something against the wives' knowledge and consent is cheating--no two ways about it. I'm sorry that you and your friend are the victims of a double standard. I can maybe even understand that this episode was simply a matter of feeling "free" (without the disapproval you feared you'd get from the wives) to explore something you both have had an interest in. But to do so without their knowledge is (IMO, which you asked for by posting) wrong. Further, to keep this from them, knowing it will happen again? That only compounds the error. Now, in addition to the wives being (however unreasonably) concerned that your MM play would cause you to lose interest in heterosexual activities, they now also have to worry about trusting whether you'll be faithful to them at all. They WILL find out eventually--do you really think you'll be able to keep from touching each other during play sessions?!? WHEN, not if, they find out, they are going to be very hurt and angry, and rightfully so. Then you're gonna' have a much bigger can of worms to deal with than if you just 'fess up now.

To answer the question of cheating yes I believe it is. Now in regards to your delema have you a history of rejecting gay males. Lets be a little more descriptive with my question here. As with any close relationship a number of topics concerning sex come up, the last ten years have brought gay marriage to the for front in the media with numerous churches splitting over the dispute. Certainly you have discussed this with her. Communication is paramount in this lifestyle. Do you recall ever stating that you don't see the attraction and can't understand how males could find this attractive. Have you even stood behind them and said it doesn't hurt me but its not my cup of tea. In short have you projected to her that it was the furthest thing from your mind, and you could never do it, that to you it was unnatural, could this be perhaps a basis of the girls stance on the matter. Before we even had given swapping the time of day we belonged to a church that underwent the same sex controversy, both of us were on the hetero side of the fence and saw it as a threat to our values and our children. we I thought were being honest with each other, in fact we were being dishonest to each other. Both of us in our past had same sex encounters and kept it secret from each other. We are proof that it isn't some evil that takes over as we met, fell in love married and had children. Now that we communicate and have opened up to each other we have both come clean and it hasn't made us love each other less. she doesn't look at me different. It has opened up a whole new set of experiences we can enjoy if it ever comes up because we have been honest. You guys have to sit the Ladies down and discuss this and throw it all out on the table, its a double standard pure and simple and you have to let them know that it is something you wish to explore with them, not excluding them. Let them know that this is a journey you want to take with them as couples. Hopefully this works out for you.