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I'm sure most would answer, "yes it would be the same" to your last question. JandY, your case is another example of two wrongs don't make it right. Your wives are wrong for what they think and you guys are wrong for going behind the wives backs on account of it. The point is, are your wives entitled to know about your activities sexually? In a marriage or a LTR, I personally think they should be aware of those types of extramarital activities. Really that's the bottom line here, not all this other what if's then if's stuff. Also I'd like to point out that this is another classic example of how we shape and mold our opinions and actions based on another’s person’s decision. Here the "wives" presumably make statements to the effect of "Not wanting to accept any male-male contact" for what reasons we do not know, closed mindedness, social programming, etc. and this statement by the wives has in turn "forced" the husbands to partake in extramarital sexual activity without their wives knowledge because the husbands feel divulging this activity will make their wives think less of them as men. So in this subject case, the wives decisive outlook regarding sexual male-male contact has affected the men’s actions. This type of situation happens frequently throughout human society. It's programmed human behavoir based on thousands of years of iteration. This type of condition exists commonly in society as a whole, not just in marriage, but also in all relationships. The bottom line is we are all responsible for our own decisions and what makes of them. The decision to withhold this information from the wives is a decision based on fear of what the wives will think or how they will react. How do you think the wives will react when they find out? They will find out eventually you know and later is going to be a whole lot worse of a reaction from the wives. They are going to be hurt emotionally because you have lied to them and you have cheated on them. The heck with the sex act, your not being up front with them is going to be the basis of their distrust in you. I say make a decision for yourself, not based on the influence of what your wives will think. What the wives think will be managed by your actions and words. If you are cheating and lie, then those are the actions that will guide your wives thoughts....if your up front, you tell it like it is and then address the wives preconceived notions about male-male sex, your going to gain yardage, not just between your wife and yourself, but your going to gain a lot personally....and shed the burden of guilt in the process. Do it and do it the right way. No more games.