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You're absolutely right, we don't know the answers to those questions. What any of us can do when asked for advice is to give that advice based off of our own experience in the lifestyle, and for us that is 15 active years in the lifestyle together. And our experience is this: 1) Very few new couples go to on-premise clubs, for the very reason that the situation can be overwhelming. Nervousness, fear, being unsure about what they like in the lifestyle. They tend to wait until they have a bit more experience with the lifestyle to do so. 2) Most couples will set boundaries with each other, and you can be sure the experienced couples have game-played (sat there and what-iffed) pretty much anything they can think of and how they will respond. If an experienced couple tells you something like "it's all about me tonight" or "I only play with other women", you are being told not only what their rules are, but that they are sticking to those rules. We have to base any response we give to our experiences, especially without all of the facts. We take what we are given and try to imagine the possibilities that could lead to this situation, or what we have experienced ourselves. Now we haven't seen any post from a person telling you that your feelings were not, we have all said you were right to be upset about it. What we did do was try to influence your thinking about 1) what might have gone wrong and 2) make recommendations to dealing with it. Your responses back have been what we have shaken our fingers at. You took the sympathy, and only the advice about making an ultimatum, and pretty much argued with everyone about any other advise. We've (and not just us) have tried discussing your logic, and tried to get you to think about other things than your hurt feelings. The funny thing is, there is another thread going on where basically the same thing has happened. The same basic advice was given by the same people, and those two are working together to resolve their issues and to move on together. She broke rules. I felt betrayed. Am I Wrong? Julie has even sent you there in her advice a while ago. Look in the mirror. You complain about our advice when you asked for it, you argue our experiences, and you sit there and tell us how wrong we are. Yet we come back to try to educate you about things because to us, a relationship is an awesome thing, two people in love is an awesome thing, and we will go out of our ways to try to help others in need with freely given heartfelt advise. Not to mention, you are getting responses from people with quite a bit of experience. What we have seen from your responses is what makes us make our assumptions about what is going on, and the direction our advice goes. But then we seem to be beating a dead horse here.