Although I have no experience with posting video on the net, I do have a lot with still photography and want to ditto Julie. And, I would like to add that as she said, he may still post it without your permission, of course he would have to forge a model release, etc. If you found out it was posted somewhere, you could probably get a DMCA takedown but would you want to do that every time he posted it somewhere? It would have already been downloaded any way. And you would have to identify yourself to do that. Besides, if he wants to share it via a file sharing program it would be like trying to capture the wind. Just cross your fingers and try to learn a lesson from it. Maybe your wife could talk to him and get him to delete all files, I think it's probably your only acceptable option at this point unless he has shared it in some way already.
I had a lot of photos stolen from my flickr account (hundreds) and used without my permission by blogs, web sites, business (including major corporations) and found out the hard way just how screwed you are in the control department once it goes on the net. To do anything without going public would be impossible, I believe. A few took them down when I requested but most didn't. I've since restricted my flickr posting to just hobby photos and snapshots and only upload commercially suitable photos to stock sites. If I shoot pics of friends for them I upload them to a private password protected site for them to download or order prints from. Don't let anyone take any photos or video you wouldn't want on the net, even film. I can take a film shot, and have it developed and digitized and on the net in one to two hours, quicker with a Polaroid. You are a little safer with a professional photographer because they have a reputation and business to lose. If you hire them to take photos you can have a clause in the agreement that you retain copyright to all images and they don't want to be in the news for copyright infringement because it might ruin their business and will guarantee less business in the future. The average Joe has no such worries.