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Remember you are not telling for his sake but for yours. It is your guilty conscience which is why you want to tell him, to unburden yourself, not that you owe it to him. I know if at some point while we were dating my wife cheated on me, I'd NOT want to know at this point as at best it is neutral, at worst it hurts your relationship. Often confessing an affair is the last selfish act in a string of selfish acts. This is a bit different, he said he didn't want to know, so DON'T TELL HIM.

Part of the reason swingers can be human sex toys for each other without attachments is that we are already attached. I already have love, I am not looking for love, I am happy with who I am with. It would take a VERY remarkable woman to somehow make me think 'if only her instead of Mrs. Chicup'. Personally I've never come close to meeting one and I only list it as a possibility because the world is big. Singles are different, singles don't have someone, singles by default are often looking for someone even if they don't THINK they are looking for someone. Your drama potential is always higher with singles, and this is part of the reason. Always though remember, they are people with their own wants and desires, you need to treat your partners with respect, and at the same time be wary of their motivations. Really basic 'human' stuff.