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Thanks for all of the replies! So, I will chime in my thoughts here. Having only begun seriously considering the possibility of swinging, polyamory, open relationship, etc., Macbeth and I have been discussing the multiple possibilities and have no plan of acting until we have a better sense of our own, and each other's desires and needs. Having been raised in a very conservative home, and no longer owning the moral codes that brought with it, he and I have discussed this with a "travel" metaphor. This began with our first non-joking conversation about being with other people. Macbeth is definitely more on the swinging end of things, I don't know if there is a good word for what I am. Basically, I would like to have the mutual open opportunity to become sexually involved with others, so long as we were open about it and asked one another first. Our relationship is very solid and we have never been jealous or possessive, so it seems like a natural step. I am very excited and turned on by the thought of my husband receiving pleasure from someone, but don't particularly feel the need to watch. I would love to have him tell me about it. I also would love to experiment, but don't feel like I would necessarily want to be watched by him at first, but would love to tell him about it. Macbeth is interested in a more active pursuit, I a more passive pursuit. This is partially prompted by the fact that I am rather picky and even when thinking about all the different men in my life from friends, colleagues, classmates, I literally could only think of one that I would even be interested in pursuing. I think the erotic nature of being "open" to the possibilities of others is a great deal of the turn-on for me, as well as the thought of him receiving pleasure from someone else. I believe that having a very closed mind for several years generated a large amount of repression of desire, and opening the option for desire with the possibility of consummation is quite exciting. I first suggested some friends primarily because of overtures that had been made before. Because of uncertainties, "feeling out" the interest is part of the fun for me. However, because I really believe in the concept of well communicated boundaries and respect, I would never consider making strong pursuit without certainty that ALL parties were interested and comfortable, as well as willing to communicate openly about potential reprocussions. Macbeth and I are emotionally very mature people and good communicators with a sense that there is nothing that can't be talked about. Hope this clarifies that lady's perspective a bit!

Thanks for the responses. We've generally answered in somewhat the same style as everybody here has recommended. Our disquiet came from the fact that about half of the responses we've gotten to our rejection mails have been "well, fuck you and the horse you rode in on." On the other hand, if you take into account that only about 1/3 get replies, that means that 2/3 of our rejection mails make the OPs simply drop the matter, 1/6 are sufficiently pleased with our good manners to reply with an "ok, we respect that and thanks for the nice response", and 1/6 are the FU replies. So, with a nice statistical sampling, we can conclude that 17% of the people that are attracted to us but not reciprocated are verified a-holes. The rest are either nice people, or don't care enough to respond.

We used to have no problem sending "No Thanks" type responses and then a couple of things happened. We got our first "no thanks" email back to us. It kinda stung to be honest...though better than no response at all. We also made a couple of trips to Desire where our interest in playing with another couple really changed after we got a chance to know them and we're swayed much more by their personality than looks or by the fact that they didn't seem our "type" based on first impressions. After that we do try and frame our responses as nice as can be. Now there are couples where there is just simply no chance. But for a a majority of couples, we like to take a never say never approach. So we may frame responses along the lines of, 'no thanks' but that if we cross paths at one of our local clubs and wouldn't mind saying hi. We realize that this is a fine line and some couples may take that as an opening to keep pushing it. That is a red flag for us and we'll tend to shut things down a bit more clearly. It can be complicated...lol!