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You two seem like a smart couple. That's fine, but I think you are being too smart for your own good. Over analyzing swinging, getting into love theory, and all that is great, on paper, but you are also plain old human animals programed by eons of lusts and jealousies. What we are talking about here is fucking other people. Its not an emotional epiphany, but something universal to mammals. You may talk about it for hours, you make think you have it worked out, you may have all the intellectual angles worked out, but when the fucking starts there is a little part of your brain that corresponds with pronounced brow ridges, that can make you go from uneasy to HULK SMASH! You are not in control of this little spot of cro-magon, he (and less often but still there) she will come out when you least expect it, when you don't want it, and where it doesn't belong. Now with time and experience you can put him back in Lascaux, but you two have neither, so don't be so sure you will be all happy and sunshine after a partner comes home for the first time smelling of sex. Imagination is stronger than reality at times, not seeing, even though you are told can be maddening. Likewise you play another dangerous game with a more acceptable, yet still primitive, hard to control part of the brain. When you go off alone, you are not thinking of your partner. It is not his or her desires you are thinking of but your own. You think your relationship is rock solid, and it might be, but alone time with someone new can create those feeling of love when they are again not wanted. Its natural, its genetic, its instinctive, and just being smart doesn't mean you control it. Open relationships seem to fail very frequently and its normally caused by the relationship of a play partner. I believe this is very dangerous water for you to enter at your current level of experience separating sex from marriage. Finally something the lady said has me concerned. It was the innocent statement that he is the active pursuing one and she is the passive one. This is called being normal. Men are far more often the active one in 1-1 situations and females the passive ones. This is why in swinging an active female is so useful in finding couples, aggressive males are a dime a dozen, aggressive females are sexy. It has me concerned because you seem to be unaware of how this will work. Assuming the lady is reasonably attractive she will have FAR more offers, far more opportunities to pursue, far more success in finding partners. As a man you have to work for it, its expected, its often REQUIRED, and you are pursuing women who are working from the other side of it, its their job genetically to make the male work for it. Finding women willing to jump in the sack with the wife's permission will be hard. Finding men willing to do the same, will be easy. This can create friction very quickly. This is why so many people look for couples. Its harder to find matches but it doesn't leave the husband out. I like to think my wife and I are reasonably attractive, I know if we did 'open relationship' tonight, she will be home very late and I will be home at closing time. We're I a true single man, that would be different, I would instantly become more attractive to women due to my status in the community, it wouldn't be really gold digging it would be just how most females are attracted to males, but as a meatpuppet not so much. I'm not saying its impossible for a married man to find a play partner, but the number of women willing will be far far lower than the number of men willing. And all this leads us to poly. Poly sounds great, poly sounds like the perfect world, but so is communism on paper. In reality its tremendously complicated. Watching the ups and downs of the poly couples here on the forum, I can say I don't even think it works for the vast majority. For most saying poly is a way to feel less dirty about the sex, and for women who sleep around to mentally argue to themselves they are not sluts. Its a sweeping term that can mean anything from someone living with you 24/7 to just liking your fuck buddy. The feeling I'm getting is you want to feel less dirty. Don't go that route. Find out if you can handle the sex before you find out if you can handle the emotions. My advice to you is find a 'normal' swinger couple, and experiment from there. It will keep your drama potential and relationship damage potential to the minimum. You might hate it all, you might want something different or you might just find your niche. As you gain confidence, and experience you can then try other avenues if you still want to.

You've got a long way to go yet. Patience. You've exhibited a lot of it, you're going to have to exhibit a lot more. The distance between fantasy and reality is very great, and getting from one to the other takes a lot of time, a lot of talking, a lot of love, and a lot of patience for most couples. Avoid any sense, either inwardly or outwardly from yourself, that this is a direction you're wanting to go for yourself. Your partner needs to want this, needs to cross the bridge. In this case, since you want it to happen, your job is to hold her hand, find answers to her questions as best you can (ask here!), shower her with love and affection. There's a huge difference between wanting something in the bedroom and wanting it when you're out and about in the humdrum of life, doing something completely unrelated to sex. A good measure of desire is if a person wants to swing while doing things completely unrelated, and the more unrelated the better, and feels that way frequently. As for fucking other men without you present; be careful. There's plenty of couples that make that sort of situation work. There's many others that avoid it entirely. There's still others that think they can handle it and find out otherwise. See https://www.swingersboard.com/forums/topic/31483-emotional-amp-logistical-problems-of-an-open-marriage/ Save yourself the reading if you want; read the first and last several pages for how well that worked out. In short, utter chaos and destruction, with a six year old child as the innocent victim. Personally, I would NOT want my wife to be fucking other men without me present. If she had a consistent male sex buddy, then down the road a long ways I could see it being possible. But, as a way to explore swinging? No way. Absolutely no way. If your girlfriend isn't comfortable having sex with other men while you are present, she's very most likely not ready to swing, though there are certainly exceptions.