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We have been in the lifestyle for over 12 years. We are a full swap couple and play somewhat regularly(when time permits). All couples go through ups and downs in meeting and playing with others. We have read through this entire thread and to be perfectly honest the "problem" you are running into is really quite obvious, you are not ready to play when you meet people. You are wanting to get to know them have something click, then go home talk about it, then meet again, make sure you have really gotten to know the person/couple, then perhaps get together and play. No wonder you are not having much luck. Several people have tried politely to tell you that you are dragging things out too much, but no one is being blunt. So here it is..... MOST people that are REALLY interested in playing,(no matter what kind of play fullswap, soft swap, girl/girl, or whatever) are interested in doing JUST that PLAY. MOST couples know within 30 mins to an hour of chatting(face to face) if they are interested in playing. And that is being generous. There is nothing more you are going to learn to make "playing" more fun or special. You are also not going to learn anymore about them that will make you want or not want to play with them. So many couples when they are new to swinging have to justify what they are wanting to do by making it more than it is. They think the people have to be special to them or friends or there has to be a "real" connection". The truth be told if you ever do get to play and if you play very often you will find out one reality. Most people you play with will only be a one time thing. For whatever reason. Some will be repeats, some will become friends, but most will not. Some of the best play experiences we have had are the times when you are driving home after wards and one of you looks at the other and says " what were their names again". It didn't start out that way and it wasn't planned. But we chatted found there was an interest then went and played. I know you said you were "open" to playing on the first meet, but then you act like it is not really a possibility because it just not your real interest. It is very easy to over think all of this. The reality is until you actually play, you will never know nor understand if this is really for you and if you want to continue. No amount of reading, talking, thinking or anything else can tell you that, only an actual experience or two or three or well you get the idea. Now I am NOT saying to do anything you are not ready for, nor am I saying you should not be selective. I am also not telling you to change what you are doing, if it is right for you, then that is what you have to do. But you are getting frustrated and want to know why. You just have to accept that you are definitely in the minority in several aspects of what you are trying to do. Therefore it is going to take MUCH longer and it is going to be very frustrating if you let it.

Glad you guys are still talking and making some plans to have fun together (lifestyle or not). I do take exception to the phrase "she has the pussy, she makes the rules". It's really bullshit to me, in a healthy relationship anyway. A marriage is a team where both the man and the woman have an equal importance. If either person is uncomfortable then you need to stop, talk and reassess. Just because she has a pussy doesn't mean her opinion or desires are any more, or less, important than the guy with the penis. The phrase itself reinforces a commonly held opinion that women can use sex as a tool to control men and relationships. It's very petty, unhealthy and doesn't lead to a very good relationship IMO. Not trying to pick on you with that rant though

I have found that swinging is a lot like dating; the patterns can be very similar. Most guys don't want to be friends with a woman in the hopes that he might be able to score at some point. He's in it for the sex. The guy wants to nail the girl, then see if it becomes more. Swinging is (in my opinion) about sex. I know we're in it for the sex, and that's where we're going to put our efforts. If we become friends along the way with the people we meet, that's great -- but we're not out there to make friends, we're out there to have sex with people. I don't know if we're the norm or not, but that's our approach. But, we could be in the minority.