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This will be a little lengthy: There may be different things going on here in her head... and I will attempt to try to explain why you may feel like you as you say "are always getting the answer" with the implication of it being the same answer. First their are certain things you are asking, that must be addressed to make my point: What she mentioned above "she probably would have been a swinger if not married" may be the honest truth, or it may just be her fishing for your opinion on the topic. 1. If she was fishing: Because of the next statement indicating that she may be affraid of potential jealousy if you both chose to swing, leads me to beleive that she may have also been hesitant to directly address the subject without fishing due to fear of your jealousy. Which in my opinion is definitly a sign that you are important to her. (Keep in mind: this fear is a legitimate fear from anyone in a relationship who is breaching the subject of swinging with their mate) 2. If the comment "she probably would have been a swinger if not married" was the honest truth in how she felt: It may be that she doesn't feel like either her, you, or both could get past the jealousy that she described in the following statements. So whether it is answer one or two or something else the readers here do not know. To answer this question: Whether bi, gay, or straight, people have abstained from sex for many years in one stretch, so there is nothing unbeleivable about a bi-sexual person not engaging in bisexual activity for 10 years. (especially if they are receiving satisfaction from their heterosexual relationship). I'm sure there are underlying experiences that are had in and out of bedroom that leave people wanting more in sex. After all it is the concept of hope. People find about activities, may even engage in activities, or just see someone they find attractive. So if any of the three or other things happen and someone get's excited, then yes this may leave people wanting more in sex. It may sound stupid for me to point this out that this where fantasies come from, but it takes me to the next part of your question. For many swingers, fantasies of threesomes, foursomes, orgies, or even more have brought them to the swinging lifestyle. The desires are built over time just thinking about engaging in activities that may not just involve their spouses. This has brought many current swingers past their past fears of breaching the subject with their spouses, but some never progress past fantasy. So to answer your question, for couples more sex is not always some sort of swinger, but for some it definitily is. 1. The anwser to your question is not straight forward as many of us would like. We often wish that the straight forward answer would magically appear in a pefect package. In high school girls would often act giddy, smile, or talk to me, so I never could figure out if they were freindly or they wanted to go out with me. Any mind reader around me at age 16 would have known I wanted a straight forward answer on whether the girls in my high school wanted to go out with me. But I have to admit: It would have been so much easier to just show up at their house knowing they were going to go out with me, than me having to build up the courage to ask them. In a way this appears to be the same situation to the readers of your thread. You appear to want to know if your wife wants to swing. Your wife appears to be dropping hints, but you don't have the courage or you haven't figured out how to directly ask her. That is why people are indicating that you need to talk to her, because they do not know what she wants. Every person is different, and you would be more equipped to find that out. 2. The other thing that you stated is that you are getting another answer indicating that your relationship may be having problems. Well anytime someone mentions possible jealousy, for most that indicates it exists at some, if even minimal level. With the possibility of any minimal jealousy and the lack of discussion between you and your spouse or her input we don't know if your relationship is ready for swinging, no matter how strong your relationship is. This is something that each couple has to discuss. That's a little more than my 2 cents.....

A basic reply is about all anyone can give you. No one can answer this question for you, they maybe able to give opinions based on what you say she has said, but we have no idea the context for which these statements were made. And they are based on your interpretations so that makes it harder. Maybe she is interested in swinging, but only said that she wouldn't do it while she was with you because of the negative reaction that she expected to get so she added the " never while with you" to assure you that she has no interest because she thinks you wont have an interest. The only way to know is ASK her. How do you know she would be jealous? Like I said before, we cant possibly know the answers to your question based on your interpertation of words she said. This is something you two need to talk about together.