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Of course not! I don't think anyone is suggesting you were. Your first question in this thread was "Am I wrong that this bothered me?" That's a reasonable question to ask, and I think we've all helped give different perspectives on the subject. There's another perspective I'd like to add on. My wife and I discussed this thread last night. We frequently discuss interesting threads from this forum. One of the best reasons is it helps us increase our swinger IQ so to speak. We learn by discussing other unusual situations and can then have a better understanding of how we feel about it. So anyways; what we both kind of concluded was that there was a sort of "she said-he heard" difference in gender perspective situation that occurred. Neither of us would ever want to convey a gender stereotype. But, your husband may have heard things in a pro-forma check box kind of way. You've expressed in abstract it's ok for him to play with others, and said so before this evening. Check. You met another couple, of whom he was attracted to the wife. Check. Both couples began playing, so there's obviously some comfort level among the four of you. Check. He is invited by the other couple to play with the wife of the other couple. Check. He asks you if it's ok to go ahead and do so, and gets agreement. Check. He goes and plays with the other couple's wife. All hell breaks loose and the guy is left bewildered wondering "what the hell did I do wrong?" Meanwhile, from your perspective maybe; it's yes, you've given permission in abstract. Yes, this couple is nice. Wow, I'm really enjoying what my husband is doing to me, and it's cool other people are watching me...damn his tongue feels good! What? The other couple wants my husband? Oh that's ok, he won't rush over there just now, not just now, please not just now. WHAT? He's going to her NOW? Leaving me hanging? Oh I don't want to look like the cold bitch from hell, but why wouldn't he finish with me first? Damn it, now she's getting what I wanted and I'm left high and dry all alone on this bed. Why didn't he want to stay here with me? Didn't he understand I needed him right then? Couldn't he have finished with me first? Oh I'm steamed and hurt! None of which internal self-monologue was heard by your unsuspecting husband. One of the worst things one person can do to another is fail to live up to the other's expectations of them. The hard part is the expectations are rarely vocalized. The outcome of all of this? Neither of you is wrong. Neither of you is right. You have every right to feel as you do. Your husband has every right to feel as he does. The important thing is that it seems you're both willing and able to talk about it, and make it better for next time.

Key parties worked years ago because people went to parties to have sex. Now it seems that people want to be "best friends" first or there has to be some kind of "special" chemistry or they don't play at all and think that swing parties are some kind of exibition. If you read the forums on some swing sites you have to wonder if anyone plays at all. They spend all their time bitching about all the kinds of people that they don't want to play with which seems to be just about everyone. We go on sites to MEET people, not to find a hundred reasons not to. I guess we're just from the old school and feel that the lifestyle has changed for the worse. On the other hand maybe we're just old.

If you were ok with him doing it...you could have made the statement "sure, as soon as we're done here" I mean, he had to know you hadn't gotten there...or as LMF2 said, if he took care of things later. Basically, my SO and I have the understanding that he gets me off and then we see what else is going on around us in the play area. But getting to that point took conversations b/c we would start out naked with each other and other people would realize we were playing/starting the party and would come on in. Well, then I'm left hanging...after a few times of that happening, we came to the current understanding. But this type of thing (trading off/interrupting/etc) happens all the time in public play areas. T probably felt that it was perfectly ok to tap NDN on the shoulder to ask him to take care of his wife because y'all were naked in the playroom...and he knows you don't play but are ok with NDN playing as long as you are there. And for the record...being ok with letting our partners swap is also a big deal for swingers...so please don't think that just because you are trying to let your sweetie carry on with his lifestyle activities while you only partake of him is any more big of a deal than someone who is comfortable actually playing with others. You appear to forget that every person posting here at one time or another has been or currently is monogamous. I'm not trying to be harsh, but we've all been uncomfortable with having our boundaries/comfort zones pushed against in this LS...and sometimes you aren't even aware that a comfort zone exists until it gets barrelled over (such as NDN jumping at the chance to play with someone else even though he was engaged with you at the time). There is no way to prepare for every possible scenario that will be encountered.

I'm sorry I made you feel as you did. You know that you come first to me always. This was something new for us. We will work out timing issues in the future.