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Many times in discussions here on the Swinger’s Board, the topic of risk comes up, usually a specific situation, not actually labeled a “risk” per say, but it touches on the topic. Over the years, in my business life, “Risk Mitigation,” has been an important part of business planning and execution. If you don’t understand the risks, you are sailing blind and bad things can happen. But, if you think about things in advance and take steps to mitigate your risk, you can survive the sudden storms that we are all going to see at one point or another in our swinging lives. Each of us as individuals and as couples faces unique risks either as active swingers, or as someone who is curious about swinging and just starting out. We all came here via our own unique paths, and our life situations are unique. But one of the wonderful things about this board is that we have a wide range of experienced folks who can help us navigate through the rocks and shoals of the Swinger’s lifestyle in a way that satisfies our desires and helps us avoid bad situations. What is “Risk?” Risk comes in many forms, and the significance of that risk is different to each of us depending on our unique situations. Something that is a risk for me, might not be a risk for you, or it might be a minor risk for you. The key is to identify your risks and then decided how big a risk it is for you. What would happen if it came to pass, and if it did, how would you deal with it in general terms. I thought that I would address some of the common risks associated with swinging. This is not an all inclusive list that I am going to present, and hopefully you will add to the thread. I’m not going to discus relationship risks here, but address external risks. Relationship risks are a whole other discussion. Risk of Exposure The risk of exposure as a swinger is probably the primary risk of swinging. But if you have any hope at all of meeting other like minded people, then you are going to have to run the risk of being exposed as a swinger. How much damage being exposed as a swinger will do to you really depends on your personal situation. But if you do not take some risk of being exposed, you will never meet anyone and you will continue to live in your fantasy world of wanting to swing but will never achieve anything. You may be concerned about that busybody down the street in your small town that does internet searches on swinger sites just looking to find someone in the community so that they can out them in as an embarrassing way as possible. Or you are afraid that someone will find out that you don’t want to find out. Risk Mitigation of Exposure We can mitigate our risk of exposure in a number of ways. And how we go about that depends on how significant a risk exposure is to you personally. But here are some of the things that others have done, Usernames – Come up with a username that does not have anything that is traceable to you. Don’t use your nick name from real life! Use that username as your swinger username and for nothing else. Create a free yahoo e-mail account with that username and, use it for chatting with other swingers, and on swinger related sites. Do not use your personal e-mail address(s) for anything that is swinger related in any way. Location – Use a location close to you, but not your actual town. This may not matter if you are in a large metro area, but if you live in a town with a population of 100, you might think about listing your location as the closest large town or city. Pictures – Pictures are an important part of our profiles on sites. Some people might keep all of their pictures private. Or, you might blur your faces out. Please pay attention to what is in the background of your pics! You could be identified by that painting by your grandmother hanging on the wall that is a one of a kind. Real Names – If your name is one of those names that everyone knows 20 people with that first name, don’t worry about it. But combinations of a couple’s first names might put you at risk. So many people us first initials. And if one of you, as in my wife’s case, has a very unique first name, I don’t even use her real first initial when writing about her. But using your real first and last name on-line is a significant risk, don’t do it! Swinging Location – Electing to go to swinger events and clubs in locations distant to where you actually live and work is how some reduce their risk of exposure. You might look at this and decide that the risks are just too great. And they might be, but that is something that you have to decide on your own. But the majority of us can easily mitigate our risk of unwanted exposure quite easily. Professional/Work Risk Swinging can put your job or profession at risk. That really depends on what you do for a living. Swingers come from all walks of life. So the risk to each of us depends on our unique situation. You have to decide what damage swinging and being outed at work would do to you. I think the number one concern for most swingers is bumping into the boss or co-worker at a club or party. This risk is pretty much self mitigating in that they are there also and the risk of outing you would be equally damaging to them. But dipping your quill in the company ink has always been a dangerous thing. So you can mitigate this risk by being polite, friendly, and don’t have that deer in the headlights look on your face. Then you don’t play with your boss or co-worker, and if asked why you won’t play with them, tell them, you don’t play at work! Many companies now use google etc. to look for candidates for hire as well as to check up on the activities of their employees. To mitigate this risk you should never use a personal e-mail address or your real first and last name in any on-line swinging activities. You don’t want to get called into your boss to explain that one! Social Circle Risk For the majority of us, swinging is a hobby, not a way of life that eclipses everything else in our life. We don’t live to swing. We are members of our church, we have kids playing soccer, baseball, etc., and we are involved in our community in different ways. So the risk of being exposed to those in our community could have a fairly significant impact on our daily lives. How you mitigate this risk is up to you. But I think the majority of us keep our swinging life and our personal/public life completely separate. Because mixing those together can have unknown consequences and can create a lot of drama and damage to us socially. Friends and Family Many of us are concerned that one of our friends or family members will find out that we are swingers. The outcome of such a revelation can be just about anything. We would like to think that they would be accepting of us, but you never really know. One of the risks of being a swinger is the fact that you already have people in your life that you are close to and have emotional ties with. Opening up your relationship can cause the lines between you and others to blur considerably. But no matter how well you know someone, you can never predict how someone will react when they find out that you are not who they thought you were. We all find ourselves in this position. But you will generally find that the rule is that most swingers play with swingers, not with friends, and never the twain shall meet. Yes, there can be good outcomes, but the risk of a bad outcome for many of us overshadows any possible good outcome. If you are willing to risk losing your friend(s) and being exposed in the community as swingers, that is your choice. But not one that most of us would recommend. Family – don’t ya’ just get tired of living a lie? Telling your family one thing when they pick up the rug rats to babysit, then driving to the club or hotel for a night of playing? You want to be open and honest with the ones you love, but you have to accept that to do so may have significant negative implications to your family and your relationship with them. You have to decide that on a case by case basis. Conclusion The bottom line to risk mitigation is for you to think about it in advance and then decide if the gain is worth the risk, and how to mitigate that risk. You will never eliminate risk completely, after all, this is real life here. But if you think about things in advance, and not run into swinging like a kid in a candy store, you can have great fun swinging and manage your life in a balanced way. Good luck! S

Newpants, this has all the makings of a great time. Like your plan says, just go out with an open mind with no expectations of more than a fun time with old friends. Here's the pitfall for you two to be mindful of; since you are old friends, you and the other couple may feel the need to not expose your lifestyle because of undue pressure if in fact the other couple is vanilla, i.e. a prim and proper niceness where you wouldn't want to come off as pressuring by divulging your secret lifestyle, and vice versa. Mind you if the girls talk then enough may be uncovered beforehand. If not, then your one leg up on this whole situation is that you'all have talked sex openly before, so no doubt sex talk will come up when you meet. All you need to do to break the ice is simply say that you have experimented a little with the swinging lifestyle and then look very carefully at their immediate reaction for intrigue or condemnation. You don't have to divulge anything more until you see how receptive they are to that. I think that it will either blossom into something more right then and there, but if they are completely vanilla and it's to go no further then you can simply explain that your experimentation was something simple like a visit to a swing club you have heard about, although you decided 'it wasn't for you and nothing happened.' Good luck and report back; would love to hear how it went.

- Getting into a political, religious, or any other kind of controversial discussion anywhere even remotely near a lifestyle function of any type. This one sticks out for me as one of the swinger sites I belong to has a blog, where people just post inline, a list of messages. The amount of political discussions in there are ridiculous. Sports talk as well (I'm not a sports fan). And not just Sports talk, but almost arguments. Based on some of the blogger's comments, I just would never want to met them..such a turn off.