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If they already are seasoned swingers, then by all means play with them if the mood and situation permits. If they're newbies, let them marinade before cooking. If they're raging vanillas trying to seduce the friends they've always had the hots for, offer to mentor them without sex involved, and tell them that once they're experienced and have their boundaries well explored, that the offer is open for reconsideration in the future. In other words, don't rush out and get a reservation. First have a nice dinner and drinks where you can talk, all four of you, during the first days of their stay. If things work out as in option #1, then get a room for the next to last of their nights in town. Don't do it on their last night, considering your friendship, things might need to be discussed the next day without the pressure of having to leave. Option #2 would mean that you can keep in touch, talk and email about it, but that you don't want to endanger the friendship by having sex with them until they're really clear about their swingerness. Option #3 is option #2 on steroids.

We were asked by another contributor here to post an update on how the solo date went. So, here we are The date went well. Not perfect, but it went well. The main negative was we both felt like it was an apart thing, rather than a together thing, and it felt less than perfect because of that. First time jitters definitely played a part, and we're thinking that in the future we'll try again and see how it goes. With the first time jitters out of the way, it will probably go better. Now, in more detail. Around the time of the date, I wrote a semi-stream of conscious sort of self-writing. In condensed form with some editing, that is what follows. Sorry it's so long. It's actually a LOT longer, and I've trimmed a lot out to improve readability. #### Today is the day after the solo date. My mind keeps going through different phases over this, and I frankly don't understand what is going on inside my head and heart. I'm not at a loss for words to describe where I am at any given moment really. It's just that I keep shifting from one mood or thought pattern to another. Today I realize that there is no way to accurately sum up how I feel. There's just too many thoughts and emotions running around to make sense of all of it. I can't be true to my real feelings because my real feelings are a jumble, a pile of disorganized elements that randomly intersect one another. At any moment, I can throw a few pieces together and think, "Ok this is how I feel" and an hour later I'll feel very different. My wife loves fucking Dave. She really, really enjoyed the first time with him and was increasingly eager to have sex with him again. At times, I think it was driving her crazy with desire. This made me feel very good. I've always wanted swinging to be a very fulfilling experience for her, and it finally had been. It was like, "THIS is what it's supposed to feel like". It was wonderful for her, wonderful for us. The afterglow was tremendous and permeated our sex. I asked her repeatedly, and at different times how comfortable she was in general with having sex with Dave, and I always got a 10 for a response. There was no question in her mind that she wanted to have sex with him again. The anticipation I think became fairly intense. In another discussion, I asked her if I had carte blanche to set up a solo play date with she and Dave, which she agreed to. So, I placed a call to Dave to set up the play date. My hands were shaking, and I had a hard time maintaining an even voice. Here I am, setting up an evening for my wife to go off without me to have sex with another man. Nothing in our lives...nothing...prepares us for this moment. But, I wasn't going to let my wife down, especially when I was happy with the thought of her going and also that I had frequently suggested the possibility of her playing solo. I am my own master and I won't permit myself to fall back from something I know I want to make happen. Dave agreed to the date, I called my wife back to inform her of that, and then I couldn't eat much of my lunch because my stomach was tied in knots. Why is my stomach tied in knots? I want this to happen. What am I fearing? I do not fear her leaving me. I know enough personal info about Dave that if he did rape and kill her, he'd be up on charges within a day. He knows that, so there's a lot less chance he'd risk doing something criminal. So, I don't fear for her safety. What am I fearing? What am I fearing? I couldn't put my finger on it. I still can't. How am I supposed to convey my feelings when I can't articulate them, don't understand them, and am fearing something that doesn't exist? I post to swingersboard, hoping to find some answers. I asked about nervousness and jitters, not about jealousy. I didn't and do not feel jealous. The thread is ultimately viewed by over three hundred people, but only two responses essentially saying the jitters are normal, and not to worry. Everything in the situation I described seems fine. Maybe it's the sort of feeling a first time parachutist gets makes a jump. You know it's going to be exhilarating and terrifying at the same time. For some, they can't let go...they can't make the jump. For others, they do it knowing the extreme danger. I felt extreme danger, but also knew that I was taking excessive counsel of my fears, fears that were largely irrational. I know my wife is not going to leave me. We've discussed swinging at very great length and I think we both understand each other very, very well. I don't lack any trust in any respect of her. I know she's fully committed to me and me alone. Then the freight train comes screaming at me again "..then why does she need to go off and fuck another guy when you're not around?" Go away fear! You're not wanted here! But, I can't logic my way out of feelings. Thursday rolls around, this is the day. This is the day she's going off to fuck her toy. I've been through bootcamp. I've been through nine weeks of structured hell. I've been through tear gas. I've been through fire that would kill you in seconds if you didn't know what you're doing. I've been on a dark ship intentionally being sunk. I can get through a day of internal turmoil and I'll come out alive, with my wife. What the hell am I fearing? WHAT AM I FEARING? I still can't wrap my head around it. I'm still at a loss. I start counting the hours. "In eight hours, she'll be fucking Dave". "In six hours, he'll have his penis in her". "This is it. In four hours, their naked bodies will be intertwined". I'm excited. Excited for her. Nervous for me. I get to the place where she is and where I need to pick up the kids. She's wearing the dress she planned to wear for him. For him. Is this jealousy? Is it? Stupid feeling. Go away! I know it's not jealousy, it's something else. In the car, the kids persist in asking where Mommy is going tonight. They won't back down. They insist on knowing. I of course don't tell them, but I'm frazzled by the inability to shut down the line of discussion. Off to home, time to get the car cleaned out and the car seats in the garage. If she goes somewhere with him, better to have a freshly vacuumed car to do it in. Then it's off to inside, where I put together the jump bag. I make sure she's got everything she needs to have a night full of lots of sex with Dave. "I'm helping my wife have a date with another man, have sex without me there. I'm crazy. I know I'm crazy. Stay the course. Your fears are irrational". I watch the clock like a hawk. My wife's to be home from a meeting at six. She's to come home and we're supposed to have sex before she leaves, I'm to prime her so to speak. The clock races forward. 6:05. 6:10. 6:15. She should be home now. If she doesn't get home now, there won't be time. 6:16. 6:17. 6:20. There's no time now if she does get home. There won't be time to screw around and get her on the road to see Dave to get to him by 7:30. I've tossed dinner in the oven set the timer, and the kids are out back playing. She comes home, and it's a in-the-door, kiss the kids and husband, and out the door sort of operation. I barely get a minute of her time. But at this point, it's ok. She's full of sexual energy and excitement, and I'm eager for her to go, but also wanting her to go so that I don't go into melt down, and so the next step is over so she'll be home, and this is over with. I don't want her thinking about how I'm feeling. I want to be strong, confident, supportive, eager for her to go. I try hard to cast this impression. As she's leaving, she checks in with me about going. I tell her I'd be more upset if she didn't go. The implication isn't caught. I'm upset. I shouldn't have said anything like that. I'm glad she doesn't make the connection, and instead traces it as encouragement to go. Phew. I don't want her to ask about how I am feeling about her going. Had she asked, I would have told her "barely enough above whatever threshold is needed for you to go". Had I said that, she might not have gone. I want her to go, and I don't want her to know how I'm feeling. Have I blown it? The moment passes. She drives off. Ok, ok, that's good. She's on the way. Nothing will stop it now. She'll have sex without me there tonight. Tonight, she's on her own. After a few minutes of waiting to see if the phone will ring from her, I call Dave and leave a voicemail. He calls back in a few minutes, and we chat briefly. I let him know she's on the way, should be there on time, and yes he confirms I had the right room number. We talk about what she wants, to which I reply "what she really most wants is sex with you". We go into a bit more detail, but I neglect to remind him of her love for massage. We hang up. Ok, dinner's ready, get the kids fed and you can get out the door to go shopping or anything other than sit at home so you don't stew in your own juices. Of course, the kids are filthy from playing in the yard, so they have to have a bath, which short circuits leaving the house. Off to bath. My wife calls, she's there outside the hotel. I encourage her, tell her to get her heels on and go get fucked. We hang up. The minutes creep by. Time has run out. She's in there, alone, with him, and will be fucking him at my behest without being concerned about me. It's no great feet of prescience to know when things actually start between them. But, I feel it. I feel the moment within me. I know it's happening. I later confirm this as accurate. The evening wears on, my thoughts and feelings go up and down. At times, I feel pretty good, happy she's getting a good fucking. Happy she's having a good time, and glad she's reached inside of herself to find this element within her, to self actualize. It's one life. Live it completely. At times, I feel pretty bad. How can I accept her going off without me and fucking another guy? What the hell am I doing? This isn't erotic. This isn't exciting. I'm not getting anything from this that is positive. All I'm getting is a bag of nerves. It's not that I feel bad universally or anything. I just feel all mixed up. Up down, back around, over and under. My wife doesn't call. This is probably better. With how I'm feeling, I don't think I'd find it erotic to hear her fucking another guy right now. Part of me is sad about it too though. Has she blocked me out? Focused utterly on him and getting the best sex she can? I hope so. That's what I asked her to do, encouraged to do. Ok, it's fine she hasn't called. But, maybe it's not fine. Up down, back around, over and under. These sorts of thoughts keep going around my brain. I know I'm not getting anywhere with them. I will not call and tell her to stop what she's doing and come home. I won't call to check up on her. I wanted her to have a good time, and my own turmoil is not her problem and would interfere with the evening. Why go through all of this only to throw a grenade on to the evening? If you're dead certain you feel neutral, or at least so jumbled you can't make heads or tails of it positive or negative, let it ride. Go with it. Ok, got to distract myself. Once kids are to bed, go and play computer game. Ok, kids to bed, back downstairs and off to computer game. Computer game, set on tough level, should involve me enough to distract and let the time slip by so I don't focus on her fucking him. Works for a while. I look at the time. 9:15. Ok, almost two hours down and only half an hour to go before she leaves him. Oh now that's a thought. I'm focusing on when she's leaving not when she's returning home? Why am I thinking that? Maybe this is jealousy? No, it's not. It's worry. It's nerves. It's desperation that the evening works out ok, and once she's on the road there's no variables left. It's just time until she gets home. Once on the road, I don't have to worry about anything other than her driving safely. Back to game. Ok, it's getting intense and I'm having a hard time with one of the enemies. Time slips by, thankfully with my brain disconnected. I suddenly realized by brain cashiered out on the game, and I don't know what time it is. Flip open the cell phone. I don't trust the wall clock to tell me the accurate time, but the cell phone always has the right time. 9:51. Wow! Only 9 more minutes and I'll hear her voice. 9 minutes. Ok, I can do this. I'm not going to go ape shit crazy after all! She's probably getting dressed now, cleaning up, saying goodbyes. Back to the game. Focus on the game. Make the time go by. Back open the phone goes, and it's 9:58. Uhg. Nerves are dominant now, and I can't get back to the game. 10:00. Ding. Time is up. Call. I've got the cell phone and portable phone both with me at all times. Either one, I can answer immediately. Nothing. Ok, don't panic. Be prepared, but don't panic. Prepare. Ok, get the car seats out to the car and get them set. Hello car. Damn, where's my keys? Back inside, back outside, get the car seats in. Also go to figure out some blankets to go with them. I'll wait until 10:15. 10:15, I'll call. Is that too soon? Maybe they're still fucking and lost track of time. I don't want to interrupt them. Rush around, ...RING...RING....Oh my God please let it be her. IT IS. She calms my nerves, tells me everything is fine, needs my heart rather than me chewing on it. Asks if I'll be ready for her. She wants sex when she gets home. I'm so nervous it'll take a forklift. Ok, she'll be home in an hour. Stand down alert, figure out how to get your heart back down from triple time. Go back to game and try to defocus. Home she is, and we start talking. After a while, I get the feeling I'm pulling teeth to get details from her of the evening. I stop trying to prod it out, and she clams up. Bump in the road,. we get past it she starts going into more details but still holds back. I can't handle this. Why is she holding back? I don't want to know. Let's go watch TV. Do something normal, and ignore this. Not a good reaction, but I can't handle this withdrawal, lack of easy willingness to talk in depth about it. She eventually goes into more depth, and the details come out. I avoid telling her how I feel. I want her to tell me everything, how it went, how she feels. I'm unsure of my words, my feelings, and don't think I can speak clearly without putting a damper on the evening. We start fooling around We spend a lot of time in varieties of doggie position, and she's begging for more sex and wants me to cum. I want to face her, to kiss her, to hold her, to tell her how much I love her. I don't want to do doggie style right now, but it's making her happy. We eventually switch positions so I can see her. It's highly erotic to me that she wants to fuck Dave. Not wanting to color the moment, I don't mention anything about this or ask questions about how much she wants Dave. But, she brings him up so I figure it's fair game. She wants him very much, likes having him as a fuck toy and loves having his penis inside her. She tells me she told him how good it felt to be fucking him. Even now, when typing this, I find it erotic and my penis swells at the thought. I ask her how often she wants to fuck him, once a week twice a week and she can't answer that. I'm expecting her to say once a week or maybe more. She wants it now, wants it bad, wants Dave to play with and frequently. And again, my penis swells at the thought. We spend a lot more time having sex than we normally do, and she finally begs me to cum. Maybe she's sore. I cum, and it feels wonderful. My lady, my heart, my love. I'm now a bit upset she hasn't asked question one about how I feel, how I felt the whole evening. I don't say anything. I want her to ask on her own. She goes into the bathroom, and I get her BC pill out. When she's removing makeup, she gets water on her naked front and I towel her off. I don't know if I'm successful or not, but it's an act of love and it means more to me to show the act of love than to actually remove the harmless water from her. Off to bed we go, she'll go to sleep first, me later. I'm trying to get her to sleep now because it's very late, past 12:30 a.m. She wants to cuddle..oh wonderful! Lots of intimacy in that. I ask her if she feels like she's falling in love with him. She tells me emphatically no. The cuddling is close and emotional to me. We eventually stop and she goes to sleep. I am more upset that she has still not asked me how I felt at all. Maybe she's surmising how I felt based on how erotic I find it that she wants to fuck Dave. But, that's like asking the crouton how the entire salad feels. I try to sleep but have some anger. Why anger? I don't want this emotion. I want her to care about how I felt, but I don't want to push it on her. I don't want her to feel forced to ask me how I felt. I want it to come naturally. But, it didn't, and I'm disappointed. But, I'm very happy she had a wonderful evening, really enjoyed it, and wants to do it again. #### (end of semi-stream of conscious writings) If you're still reading at this point, you're nuts My wife and I talked many more times about this evening in the days and weeks after it. She did ask me about my thoughts and feelings, and we discussed everything many times over. She had a very pleasant evening with Dave. They had a fair bit of sex, both vaginal and oral in many positions, and a fair bit of talking. They spent the entire time naked, and mostly in bed. We'll be meeting up with Dave again in the future (we haven't had a play date with him since) but schedules have gotten in the way again. My wife wants very much to have sex with him again, and I want her to have sex with him again too. Solo? We're not sure. We're going to try again, we just don't know when or with whom, whether it's Dave or someone else. I had way too many jitters the first time, and from the writing above you can tell a lot of it was silly stuff. I need to get past it. If my wife and I both feel it is good for us together and individually, we'll do it again. If it gets better, we'll keep trying it. If not, then we'll probably just swing together. But, we'll definitely keep swinging.

I work for myself and I don't care who knows. I was once ask about my lifestyle in a restaurant and I told him yes I am so what are you going to do about it. ( Standing up looking him in the eye with my fist cocked tightly and my face two inches from his face like a drill Instructor.) You see I didn't like the tone of his put you down type voice. He backed off fast and never ask/said it again. I'm nice to him when I see him but he will never ask me again. LOL!! And yes I was willing to go to jail for busting up his face. And he knew it.