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Hello, We've been in the lifestyle for about a year. We've really enjoyed it, and it's changed our lives for the better in countless ways. However, we're having some issues with the style of sex that lifestylers seem to want and expect from us. Perhaps we're a little vanilla in our own right, but neither of us have experienced the type of techniques as we have with the couples we've met in the lifestyle. After talking about it this morning, we thought that we would post this question to the swingersboard community and see if what we're experiencing is typical of swingers in general, typical of swingers in our area, or just a run of bad luck on our parts. Let me start by saying we're not judging anyone's style or technique. We fully understand that everyone has their way of doing things and that they do what they enjoy. It could be that lifestylers tend like it one way, and it's just not our thing. Please understand, we're also not saying EVERYONE does what I'm going to be describing, but it has been the most common technique. I'll get to the meat of things: We've been with about 15 couples in the past 11 months. It seems that the vast majority of the people we've been with like a faster style of sex. The best way to describe it is to compare it to what you would see in pornos. Go fast, go hard, and pound her until she's sore. We're both 40 and have both been with our share of partners. We both think we were good lovers and neither of us ever had any complaints. At the same time, neither of us had really experienced anything like this in the vanilla world. We both tend to prefer slower and sensual style of sex -- not that there's not a place for going faster on occasion, but it was never like it is in the lifestyle -- where I've had women pace me (moving my hips) at a quick clip from literally the first thrust. Mrs. O'swinger always felt she gave a good BJ, but the guys she's run into in the LS seem to want to (as she describes it) "f*** her face" -- thrusting quickly in and out of her mouth. She doesn't really care for that. It's all just a little too much for us. It's too fast and not very sensual. We find it animalistic and impersonal. We both feel a little out of our element. So, here's what we want to know: Is this the norm? Do you find that this is what most LS'ers want as well? Is this what you enjoy? We are NOT looking for advice on finding compatible couples. This is the first step in doing exactly that. We just want to get a handle on how common this is so we know how to approach getting what we want. If we hear that this is the preferred style of sex in the LS, we'll handle things one way; if we find it's just been a run of bad luck on our part, we'll handle it another. Thanks for the input!