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Ursula, Sorry you haven't been thrilled with the responses. I've been around this Board for a few years now and I can say that aside from a few cranky people, most responders to any question will only have your best interests in mind. I didn't think Susan's was out of line even if she did suggest something that you dismiss as not applicable. When you ask for opinions, you will get them. Sometimes they don't sound gentle (and sometimes they're not), but they are usually written out of good motives. Someone is taking the time to respond to you and give you their thoughts. We all hope our thoughts will be helpful. If they are not, you can ignore them. Typing in anger to a well-meaning response only makes you look overly sensitive, which is definitely not a quality that will help you have a good experience with another couple. Whatever you decide, I wish you the best of luck. It sounds like whatever you get out of your discussions, you've already gained some of the benefits just by having them.

Just speaking for myself in most encounters I am so focused on her or them and my wife that although really enjoyable and I swear I have orgasms without ejaculation, that it can take up to and over an hour for myself to cum. Perhaps it is due to the fact that I am less focused on myself and much more atuned to the person who I am trying to for lack of a better words have an earth shattering orgasm. We to love watching men cum as well as women it is perhaps the most wonderful thing to watch and experince in all its forms.

Hi George and Ursula, and welcome to Swingersboard. Congrats on dipping your toes into the lifestyle waters, and at least found some aspects of it pleasing. The clubs/parties aren't for everyone, and as you're fast discovering, swinging is what you make of it. For Mr. Sweet and I, we're fine with the party atmosphere, but enjoy meeting another couple for dinner/drinks in a vanilla setting, too. When it comes to play time, he prefers to stick close together so he can see/hear me. I'm happier with separate rooms. I have no problem seeing my honey with another woman, but I'd much rather be doing than watching. So even within a couple, it's common to have different preferences. The important thing is that you and Ursula are happy, and with the great communication you've got going, you're off to a great start. Keep talking about the things that appeal to you, the things that don't, and don't worry so much about what "normal" swingers do. By the way, there's plenty of room for ladies and gentlemen. Putting a statement like that in your profile (should you create one) would be a great way of letting others know what you're looking for. =)