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Hello, we hope you can offer us some wisdom. We have been in the lifestyle a little while and have had a few experiences with couples. We have some vanilla friends that we were very close to over ten years ago when we were still vanillas. We had a very sexually open relationship with them in that we often talked openly about sex and our sex lives and we have vacationed with them and had sex with our own partners separated only by a thin wall so we could all hear what was going on etc but we never actually had any sexual contact with them. I also need to add that their fem half was very sexually open and horny all the time, i.e. she was not shy or prudish. Anyway, we all drifted apart and got busy raising our families, building our careers and they moved away and live several hours away and we have not seen them for several years and only exchange an occasional Christmas card or chain letter email. Out of the blue a few weeks ago the male half called us and said they were coming to town to see family over the holidays and they wanted to get together with us. That is not strange or remarkable. What is remarkable is how much he was stressing that they wanted to get rid of kids and have an "adult night". He said adult night, adult entertainment and adult fun over and over. He also said they wanted to get a single hotel room and the 4 of us spend the night together. My alarm bells started going off and I tried to push things a little bit to get a feel for what he was getting at so I suggested getting a whirlpool suite and a few bottles of champagne and having a hell of time and he didn't even flinch or try to make any disclaimers or boundaries etc. Now we are wondering if during our separation that perhaps they may have gone down a similar path as us and are now swingers also or at least open to the idea of some kind of sexual exploration with us. Are we seeing legitimate signs or do we have a distorted view of reality since we are in the lifestyle and are just seeing signs we want to see? Any advice on how we should proceed from here? Is there a way we can feel them out a little bit more and find out what they are thinking without outing ourselves in case we are misreading things?

Wife and I always talk in detail and replay portions for quite some time to each other. She and I both still revel in the freedom of this open discussion - but for me took a bit of effort to be sure I was 100% honest and up front in what I liked, what I wanted that hadn't happened, and what I did not like. These are always positive, fun discussion and we always walk away with a "...well, we learned something new..." - and that has happened every time. It is incredibly sexy to replay and hear your mate talk about how good it was, how slutty she felt, etc. - to me! For me a re-affirmation of our comfort and closeness (and vice-versa I'm told). We dove into this headfirst and haven't really looked back so maybe still in "honeymoon" phase? Whatever, each time when we get home we end up screwing like rabbits as we've made each other so excited. For us talking about it - less a debrief than sharing - is a great part of the whole experience...but we are also one of those couples that loves watching the other as well as exhibition, so this matches up with our motivation.

I like the idea of asking about pajamas. Another idea is asking whether you should bring bathing suits for the hot tub. The best idea, though, is to get the women talking. They will get to the bottom of things.

Mrs. Ekies likes to hear all of the intimate details but doesn't like to give them. Over the past few years I've gotten her to talk, in detail, about the event. It seems to me that she will tell me about what she liked best so that I can learn and provide a better experience for both of us. As time has passed she's gotten to where she'll get into the details of how he/she/them do what they do and then give her opinion as to what she liked and if she thought they were good/great/greatest. Finding time can be tricky but as your ease with this type of communication grows you'll find plenty of time and learn things that will turn you on a great deal. Next thing you know, you'll be quizzing potential partners to see if they're into something to make his experience better. From there it's more fun than I thought possible. Trace

Like Julie, Mrs. CXXC and I discuss the event on the drive home unless she is so exhausted she falls asleep first. The reason she has the ability to do so is that during the first 20-30 minutes, my mind is filled with the images and activities just moments past. I recall my thoughts and feelings of the event in its entirity. Once all is recalled wiht reasonable clarity, the conversation starts. There have been times when we have gotten in the vehicle or the guests have left our home/hotel room the only words that fit the event are, "WOW!" or "That was awesome!" In the event either of us have a solo engagement we have an agreement to share the details immediately! As we may not be in the same state at such a time, a phone call or E-mail works perfectly. Guys, by nature dont really discuss their feelings. We have been conditioned to be this way. Opening up and letting anyone know what we "feel" feels like a weakness or simply not right. the best way to initiate the desired conversation is to speak of your views, thoughts and feelings aobut the event or activity while attempting to draw him into it with open ended questions, such as; "What did you think about this?" It may not always work, but it is a start. Communication is key! On another side of that coin, he may very well be so private concerning his thoughts and feelings within the lifestyle that he may never fully open up. It is different things to different people! Hope you both have a WONDERFUL adventure together!