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I have one piece of advice: Start to pay more attention to the way he treats and/or talks about the people around him. I don't have anywhere near enough information (nor do you) about the veracity or complete origin of his comments, but his ability to ignore your personal judgments (re: your black paramour) and immediately lump him into the the same category as his former "betrayers" speaks volumes. IMHO, his statement that he refuses to swing with black men because of prior slights (and his implicit assumption that you'd choose to swing with black men with the same worldview as his former "friends") may turn out to be a stumbling block in your combined future. I mean, if I told prospective swingers that I refuse to play with Southerners or Midwesterners due to past incidents of bad behaviour, I'd look like an idiot. If the lifestyle requires one thing, it's a level paying field.