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I agree with what people have said so far HOWEVER I do not totally agree with people saying your marriage / partnership has problems, in fact it doesn’t have problems but your wife has issues been open sexually, but that does not mean your entire marriage is bad or wrong, it just means she is self conscious and has some hang ups about sex, but sadly my friend those issues are NOT something that will go away easily, and I’m saying this from actual experience. I was involved with a girl for a long number of years and while she wasn’t quiet as shy as your partner she did have serious hang ups about this lifestyle and didn’t want anything to do with it at all. Please understand that we had a long relationship, lots of history between us, and even a home together, but in the end this lifestyle helped push us apart, and ended a very long relationship. By the sounds of things your wife is defiantly NOT cut out to be involved with this lifestyle and by the sounds of things that will NEVER CHANGE. Maybe I’m wrong but if you ask a girl what her fantasies and desires are and she replies she has NONE not even one to mention, then sorry to say but your in for a very rough ride and most likely will never experience this lifestyle with her. Honestly I tried for years to get my ex to settle with the idea (and she was more confident than your partner) and it’s fair to say she did have a stunning body, but not even she could do this. Your best chance is to get sexual counseling for your wife / marriage, and sure maybe with A LOT OF TIME and effort things would change a little bit, but rest assured that will NEVER be to the extent that you’re hoping, as from the sounds of it your partner naturally does not enjoy sex. Sure you can stay with this women if you like but understand if you do then you are going to be limited sexually maybe for the rest of your life, and even if things do change a little it will certainly never be what you hoped for or dreamed. I will however say one thing and that’s not all girls play with themselves in front of people, and sure some don’t like giving blow jobs, or having anal sex ect, remember some girls do differ in what they will and wont enjoy (that’s fine) and should be respected at all times, so please don’t judge your partner to harshly just because she’s not sex crazed nymphomaniac, because this is NOT new news, but a lot of girls just aren’t like that, in fact a lot of girls can be timid in bed, so please don’t think your wife is the only one. You need to understand that this is a COMMON problem between swinging couples, by all means look on any forum and you will see people complaining about there wives been uptight and against this lifestyle, and sadly in most cases that leads off into disaster and the best peace of advice is EITHER hang up your desires and forget about this lifestyle for good (make things better between you and your wife and be happy with that) or if the urge is to strong then basically you could try counseling for your wife but that could take a very long time to see any real changes, or secondly and the more likely outcome you could move on from her and find a new partner, one who is more open minded. No you say, one day things will change, one day like a magic switch she will suddenly change and things will get better, well sorry my friend carry on believing that if you wish but TRUST ME in maybe 90% of cases THINGS DON’T CHANGE and I know this not only because I have been there myself, but because I have had over 10 years of experience in this lifestyle and have read enough forums and complaints about this to fill an entire library, the facts are this lifestyle is just NOT for some people, remember there are men who would not want to do this as well, not just girls, and sadly if your sat there wishing things would change then WAKE UP because chances are they never will. One thing to always remember is that sexual counseling for these sorts of things is very common, or in other words you are not alone, in fact a huge amount of sexual counselors will have been asked about swinging numerous times in their careers, these people are use to hearing these things and are trained to handle them, by all means you could try that route and see if it makes some changes in the long term, but my guess from what you have written is that will never truly change, and if there is some change it will only be very minor and small, defiantly not what you had in mind, and that might not be enough to settle you into this lifestyle. I think the truth is your wife seems very uptight about things and obviously has some strong hang ups about sex, so basically your options are (dig in) forget some of your desires and see what happens, or to move on and find another partner who is more open minded and liberated. Most people into this lifestyle are very quick to tell you to move on, and with experience you will see that is not because there heartless, or because there just saying the first thing that comes to mind, its actually because a lot of us have seen where these things lead and have seen it with our very own eyes (I have lived this experience myself) and so have countless other couples, and more often than not it ends in disaster, and that’s why a lot of people will be quick to tell you to move on. I dug my trenches and stuck with an uptight girl for years in hope things would change, but sadly it doesn’t, and most of the time that sexual issues and frustration grates at you and pushes you further apart, please understand sex with someone who doesn’t like sex does not get better, it gets worse. Your only real hope is sexual counseling, but just understand that may only yield limited results and in my opinion might not be enough to encourage your wife into this lifestyle, at best you could hope for some minor changes between you and her, but any more than that and your been to optimistic. Just rest assured this issue does not mean your relationship is rubbish, it does no mean he world is going to end, or that you are destined to break up, the real question is can you hang up your desires for good? Can you live with this women knowing that for the rest of your life your probably never going to get the open, nice and trusting sex that you want? REMEMBER you either love this girl for the girl she is, or you don’t love her at all, and that has nothing to do with swinging or her sexual abilities, and you either have to stand firm, or accept it will never change and move on to a new partner who is open minded about these things. Just remember its not just your wife who has problems, in fact we all have problems at times the question is can you live with those problems for the rest of your life? Rest assured you go and find a new girl, and she will also have problems, sure she might be confident enough to play with others, and give you much better sex, but overall she will have a list of issues and problems just like the next person. I do feel for you because this very subject as hurt my life as well, and can be very difficult, but in all honesty I wish I’d have moved on form my ex years ago. Good luck friend. Regards x

His wife is "out of the loop" because she doesn't know her husband is trying to cheat on her. He is "out of the loop" because he doesn't know his wife is trying to cheat on him. Your wife is "out of the loop" because she doesn't know about you and his wife. Your "out of the loop" because you don't seem to realize how fucked up this is.