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There is a big difference between dirty talk and fantasy and actually wanting to make it happen. I'll offer these few suggestions you could try. One is, the next time you are doing something completely nonsexual and are not the least bit aroused, search your feelings and see how you feel about it in a normal, sober and nonstimulated state. - Then under the same circumstances (nonsexual, nonstimulated) bring it up to her and ask her frankly if it is something she would actually like to discuss making a reality or is it just a fun, fantasy for her? -A good way to test the waters is to find a swingers club and go to the club and just make a few introductions and meet a few people and spend the evening socializing and dancing but do not go with any expectations of actually having sex with anyone. See how you both really feel when you are talking/flirting/dancing with other people. NOTE: Do NOT do this in a regular vanilla (nonswinger) meetmarket bar or dance club. People in a swingers club will understand the concept of "just checking it out" or "just testing the waters" Men in a meetmarket bar will not! - Also I would strongy recommend NOT hitting up anyone you already know or have any kind of relationship with or any kind of emotional investment with. There is too much potential for misunderstandings, attachments or feelings. - Again, my recommendations are to go to a swingers club and meet real people face to face and have her pick and choose who she is attracted to and feels some chemistry with as well as who you are comfortable with.