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OK, this is going to be harsh, but I can't believe no one has said this yet: I'm not following your logic. You are angry with this guy, he has brought trouble into your house, he has brought problems into your marriage, and he made sexual advances to your wife. You're not even sure how welcome or unwelcome these advances were, but you've left it up to your wife to manage the situation -- which most likely means it's a source of constant strain and stress for her. Meanwhile you seek to avoid any confrontation as you both fervently hope this guy's life fall apart bad enough that he'll want to move out. Is that about right? What part of this sounds like a good idea to you? What part of this suggests you've got any control over your life or what happens around you? Now, to make things worse, you're going to start swinging? You don't have the fortitude to handle problems that threaten your marriage when they happen in your own home with your own friends, and now you're going to put yourself in a position where you're going to be faced with these kinds of issues on a regular basis? This too sounds like a good idea, does it? Communication is the most important thing in the lifestyle. You appear to have a dread of communicating with people. You see talking about and managing serious problems as "destructive." If you can't talk openly and honestly with the couples you play with, you're going to bring drama and strife into their lives, and that's not OK. If you follow the pattern you've already shown, you're going to be that couple who won't communicate your rules to others, then get mad when they violate your rules -- then finally run from the situation when they try to get clarification of what happened. Sorry to be blunt, but we don't need you, we don't want you. You're the messed up couple we're trying to avoid. You have no business being in the lifestyle and it's not going to end well for your marriage. But, the worst thing is that you could take others down with you as they get wrapped up in your drama. God forbid you get mixed up with another new couple who ends their time as swingers (or even their marriage) with the impression that swinging is nothing but drama and danger after getting involved with you. Stop being selfish. I understand that you want to be swingers, but you are clearly not emotionally ready for such a thing. You can't even manage your own household. Please, stay away and don't spread your problems to people who are well adjusted. Fix your problems at home before you venture out into a world that's filled with potential land-mines.

My two cents. We are in our early 40's. We have talked about swinging for the better part of our 20+ marriage but only started actually getting into it last year. When we started we both had preconceived notions about what it would be like and we had a set of rules a mile long. Needless to say, we were wrong on much of what we thought and our rule list has dropped to a handful, all pertaining to communication, discretion and most importantly safety. I had fantasies of nubile young vixens and she was more attracted to older men. SO we figured right of the bat we might have problems finding playmates. But we agreed as long as we both found an attraction to the other playmates we wouldn't set any hard and fast limits on age. My wife is gorgeous and looks younger than her age (something in her 20's she hated, but now loves), and I am told I look young than my age, although I am not so sure. So we have had interest from a pretty wide range of ages. We have had playmates from their 20's to their 50's, with mixed results. In general we have found the following (with exceptions on both ends of the scale). 1. We have found more drama on the younger end of the spectrum, from jealousy to endless rules that broke down the fun, to what we call the scripted playbook (this happens first, you can't do x until I do y etc etc.). 2. Less patience in the younger crowd. We like to get to know people that we are going to have sex with, call us old fashion, but some younger folks we have met are ready to rock as soon as they know our screen name. We have actually been told if we don't plan on get down to business on our first meet then forget about it, so we passed. 3. Older crowd seem more interested in forming long term relationships and even friendships, which suits us fine, we would rather have a few close playmates over adding notches to our bedpost. 4. More understanding to real life issues. We have kids and careers. It is difficult to find overnight baby sitters. Sometimes work gets in the way. So we have to plan, making it difficult to arrange a meet up at the drop of a hat. The older crowd seems to relate to this better and are more understanding. They don't seem to take it as "we don't want to see you" excuse as younger crowd sometimes does. 5. Older crowd seems more comfortable in their own skin, more confident and know what they want. Playing seems more spontaneous and flows better. 6. Less tolerant of the ravages of age. We are both former athletes and in pretty good shape, but we are not 20 anymore. (Although, some of my surgical scars from sports do seem to be a turn on to younger women, I don't get that). That said we have met some older couples with as many or more hangups and some pretty mature younger couples. In the end I think it is less about age than maturity and perhaps we have just not met the right younger couple yet. But we will keep trying! And a few of side notes: 1. We tend to seek out contemporaries and older crowd. When the younger crowd contacts us we listen. In the past we have had more non responses from younger crowd and some "you are too old" (in a polite way), even from some that have us in their listed age range. We figure we are very content with the "our age and older" crowd we are meeting so we don't seek out the younger ones. When the younger crowd has contacted us, we listen and decide if we are interested based on their maturity level, trying to avoid the drama. 2. In one experience, in the middle chit chat during a play break, the young lady let me know I was only a few years younger than her father, (there was 15 years difference in our age). It did not seem to bother her, but it sure put some not so good thoughts in my head. 3. My fantasies of young nubile's has been blown up. The two of the hottest women I have met were 50+. Not only were they stimulating to talk/visit with, but had looks and bodies that most 20 somethings would die to have. And they had the experience in the bedroom to drive me wild. Just goes to show age is just a number, don't let it get in the way of meeting interesting people.