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The issue of racism within the Lifestyle is one of the many 'chicken-egg' style arguments one will encounter - by that I mean that there is no definitive answer, it will always be based on which side of the coin you happen to see it from..with ample justification and supporters available for whatever side of the debate one might be on. As a topic to debate, it's just as viable as any other - but it will never over-ride the fact that who you want to have sex with is no one's choice but your's. In my opinion, people who ask 'why' when given 'No' as an answer simply never considered that 'No' was an answer they might get. This, I suspect, is for one of 2 reasons: 1. They think that they are 'all that' - and that everyone will be chomping at the bit to get with them. 2. They think that swinging is about getting with anyone who asks Whichever of the two might apply, it boils down to the fact that their lil ego was bruised because they were rejected and those who lead with their ego will always attempt to create a justification for said rejection that places blame on the rejector. The only thing you did 'wrong', IMHO, was in answering their question as to why you said 'No'. By doing so, you foster the idea that explanations are owed for 'No'... and they simply are not - ever! Swing Lifestyle has a great tool for dealing with knuckleheads who carry conversations beyond 'No Thanks' - the Block button. M