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I'll try to explain this from an IR standpoint. Mulder is the black one; Scully is the Irish, fiery redhead one. We both enjoy the lifestyle, have had good times and bad times with it, and have found those we've made friends with have turned into lifelong friends. I guess what frustrates me with the current thread of race is on line we find most times profiles who have basically made it clear they don't want either black males or IR couples. There are three ways I can feel about this rejection: 1. Not their preference 2. Something much deeper 3. Racist. I try not to go to the last one most times, but for many blacks this is always going to be a part of the psyche. For those who wonder why this is such a big deal with us understand from our point of view: We want a fair share and shake of the pie on every aspect of the plain. Our ancestors didn't have the choice to come to this nation willingly. Now that several generations have gone by, we are here and are trying to enjoy the "pursuit of happiness" just like our neighbors do. It's a struggle in the workplace and elsewhere; for many in the African-American community sex is just another plane to this constant struggle for acceptance. There was a study just released this week stating how the pay median between white homes and minorities are in such a huge gulf that black homes may never catch up to where white homes income are today. This rankles people like me because we work hard, try to follow the rules, pay taxes, etc. Why can't we have a break like my white brothers and sisters? We're educated, have feelings, and (yes) like to get our freak on. Is it because of some personal defect on me that keeps me from enjoying an intimate moment with someone white or is it something deeper? This is always part of our psyche. I do think one good thing has helped me come to grips with these feelings and that is patience and a willingness to present a different point of view to my white brothers and sisters can indeed reap benefits. Good friends of ours we met four years ago wanted to get together for some swing time. I freaked out about the male with Scully because of my own insecurities (I was young in the lifestyle and had to learn to deal with my feelings); the female of the foursome couldn't be with me because it was more than just me being black, but I represented something that hurt her deeply. In her past, she was assaulted by a black male. She knew I wasn't that way and knew I was a fair player, it was just I represented a painful part of her life. It took time, many visits outside of the lifestyle, and time before she felt comfortable enough to flirt with me. Eventually we had a wonderful time together enjoying each others bodies and the entire evening. Even though they moved south of where we live we know if we ever meet up again it will be a night we'll soon won't forget. Now this is only an aberration, not the rule, but this is just a positive event which worked out for all of us. Does this mean this is the rule for most couples, not at all. Some of the resistance could be due to perception (i.e. Black males have bigger cocks than whites) which brings insecurity to white males. Some white males may feel they are threatened by the perception that blacks, Latinos, or Asians are better lovers than whites. I think this is foolish on some aspects (Hint: Males in general, for examples, can win a woman's heart if they learned how to dance on the dance floor and woo their lovers/wives to bed) and some truth on others. My point is I think for as much as I feel sometimes of being singled out because of who I choose to fall in love with and the rejection we've been seeing in the past few explorations on line we don't let this get us down. We know not everyone is into us...their loss. We think we are a very unique, thoughtful, and passionate couple. Life is our dance floor. You can either sit back and judge us for what we don't look like. You can judge us by what we wear, what color we are, or whether our choice of musical taste fits yours. Or, you could join us on the dance floor and enjoy the party! Too often we sit back against the wall and criticize but lack the courage to bridge the gap and get to know the crowd dancing on the floor. So whether you think of us as worthy, or not; whether if we fit your preference, or not we're going to dance. We're going to dance until we can't dance anymore. If the floor fills up its going to be a busy night. Mulder (MulderNScully) P.S.--I think sometimes the joy of coming to a swing event helps us defuse the perception of many who may not have given IR couples a chance. For as good as the Internet is it fails to really give a true perception of the total person as a whole. I won't lie there are knuckleheads in my community that embarrasses us as a whole. But knuckleheads are found in all races and really sets back our respective communities as a whole. To base an entire group of people by the few who are acting ignorant is both a bad way of perceiving one another and a set back in relating to those different from us. I hope my thoughts are not seen as an attack on one group or justifying that our group is "better" than others. Not at all. We are all in need of dealing with our faults as a race, gender or species. I'm just here to say those few bad apples makes us throw the whole pie out and it is a shame because I think we all like pie one way or another.