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Not good. Most especially for a first time experience, not very good at all. The fact that this devolved into arguing, yet it was repeated again and again and again, is shocking. How many wake-up calls do you need? So, a bunch of mistakes and the cure is to try it again, this time adding another man into the mix? Epic fail So you were playing with someone neither of you weren't even attracted to? Fail. You played with this woman (and later her husband) dozens of times yet after each time you had arguments between you???? Come on. This is 1+1 math. Bizarre rule. How many bad internal signals do you need? What possible reason could ANYone have for going back to this couple????? This is absurd. Yet another blaring alarm signal. You want to swing, but don't want your wife to enjoy it??? WTF? Unreal. One of the biggest turn-ons I get out of swinging is hearing the sounds my wife makes as she's having sex with another man, especially that delicious moan she makes when another man first enters her! If it were a turn OFF, we would NOT be in swinging, period, no ands-ifs-or-butts. You don't. There's so many red flags over this all the flag stores in the world are out of red flags at the moment. Why on Earth you ever thought it would be a good idea to continue in swinging is beyond understanding. Catastrophic, epic fail beyond imagination. Coulda fooled me. Every interaction you report has been bad. With fire proof clothing I hope. I'm sorry I'm being harsh in this post, but I'm actually very restrained from what I would like to say. #1 Forget about swinging. Give up on it. It's not for you. #2 Get back to your relationship. Find other things that make both of you happy together. Hobbies, travel, entertainment, what have you. Focus on those. You're not getting positive things from swinging, it's just destroying both of you. #3 Your communication is very poor. I certainly hope that your level of communication outside of swinging is at least 10 times better; if so, it's a bare minimum for a relationship. And there is NOTHING wrong with her wanting to focus on it and enjoy it. My wife gets very involved in play activities. Sometimes I have her attention, sometimes I don't. I doesn't bother me in the slightest if she's in the throes of ecstasy because of what another man is doing to her and she isn't focusing on me. I want her to enjoy it. You don't want your wife to enjoy it. How you could possibly swing when you don't want your wife to enjoy it is just inconceivable. Because your communication is terrible. My wife and I have a very simple rule. There is always a parachute out of any situation. If either of us wants something to stop, we verbally tell our spouse, and we walk away. You're trying to use facial expressions, hints, motions, body language to communicate "No". If I was that guy who noticed you having problems, I would have pulled the plug, no question. Completely the wrong approach. "See how much pain I can endure for you? I can watch another man fuck you while you enjoy it, and then cry for 3.5 weeks and still want to be with you! I'm SUPERman!" Frankly, you'd be making a huge mistake if you did. Again, "It's ok to have sex with other men honey, but don't even THINK about enjoying because I'll get very upset!!!!" Unreal. Quit swinging. If you insist on swinging, you need to approach it completely differently. Some couples have some minor jealousy concerns and are successful, happy swingers. You have major jealousy and possessive concerns that can not be reconciled with swinging. This doesn't mean you are a bad person. Not everybody can be a happy swinger (in fact the vast majority can't). Your rule set needs to be absolutely minimized, to cover very basic understandable rules. The "must be in the same bed" stuff is absurd, frankly. My wife and I had a bunch of rules at the beginning, and some of them were absurd.They're all gone now, but for a few; the parachute rule noted above, condoms always, and same room (though if one of us has to use the facilities, the other shouldn't stop playing). Let yourselves go. Stop getting so worked up about the rules, what's being broken or not, trying to figure it all out while play is going on, etc. Figure out how to enjoy your spouse enjoying him/her self. If you can't at least get to the point where your spouse enjoying themselves isn't a negative, you're insane to continue swinging. If you are set on doing a soft-swap with a couple, don't change your decision in the middle of play. There's always future times to play. Changing midstream is a recipe for disaster. Go ridiculously slow. You have an awful lot of bad water under the bridge that you need to put in your past. Walk TOGETHER in this, FOR each other, WITH each other, BECAUSE of each other. Swinging should never be a tit-for-tat situation. If "she did this, so I should get that" enters into your equation, you're making a mistake. As my wife and I have discussed, there isn't "fair" for each other in swinging per se; what is "fair" is what each of us agrees is fun and we want to do. The only 'score' that should be kept is "Are you enjoying yourselves and is swinging not causing any harm to your relationship in any respect?" Spend a LOT more time on this forum to learn and understand what swinging is about, what it should be, what red flags there are. Spent hours upon hours upon days upon weeks talking with each other about swinging. Be 100% honest, open, with no risk to either of you for bringing anything up. Don't throw verbal knives at each other. The past is the past. LEARN from it, and stop beating each other up about it. Your past experiences are a learning tool, not an abuse tool.

I don't think it's "just about breaking the rules" that's causing the problems Sure... y'all are putting these rules in place with the thought that as long as everyone follows them - nobody will feel jealous or emotionally hurt by the experience. But the truth of the matter is... neither one of y'all seems to be happy to see the other with another partner. ...thus, you'll constantly be overwhelmingly jealous of the pleasure your partner is experiencing with the other person to the point where SOMETHING is going to bother y'all enough to fight about. That is NOT about open-ness & honesty between y'all. That is NOT sharing in each other's pleasure and being thrilled to see them enjoying sex without fearing that they'll betray your trust/relationship. That is... quite frankly... NOT swinging. Just stop. If y'all decide to stay together y'all need to achieve far more honesty with each other. You've learned that this is not the lifestyle choice for y'all ... ya tried it and it wasn't for you. Simple as that. Move on & enjoy the rest of your relationship together (and only together).

How to deal with this is to give up your idea's and endeavors of swinging. Like Lee said you fall into the 99+% that aren't cut out for it. Kudos for trying but you guys will divorce over this if you persist; there's no other outcome, really. Here's the constructive part of my criticism, a smiley face . The votes have been counted, please turn in your torch; the tribe has spoken.