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(Hi folks, just dropping around to see what's shakin'!) Hi teeni, welcome to the board. It sounds kind of like your fiance is testing you. I think every couple goes through growing pains when they get into this; some breeze right through and others really struggle with certain parts of swinging psychology. This sounds like a lot of insecurity on his part. Now whether this is the product of his life experience or caused by something you did, I have no idea. Downplaying it won't work; it needs to be acknowledged and respected. I don't know how long you and your fiance have been together, but swinging usually works best when the couple has been together for quite some time. Definitely beyond the honeymoon phase, and preferably into that winding down phase where you've been through some serious shit together - kids, bills, illness, moving, etc. - and you've settled in. So if the relationship was a couch, if you don't have an ass-groove worn into it yet and it doesn't have popcorn and loose change under the cushions, it's probably a bit young yet to get the full benefit of swinging. I would have to, firstly, echo what others have said. Listen to them because it's good advice. Definitely take the time to build your foundation. You've got an entire lifetime together to do this stuff. Sure it's fun, but so is getting to know one another. Don't act on your fantasies yet. Start by just talking them out. Your fiance is struggling with what he's been told to believe about love and sex and is trying to sort out what he really believes. It's no wonder that he's back and forth about it. My best advice would be to absolutely avoid game-playing and coyness like the plague. Be understanding and tactful, but call it like you see it. Do NOT assume anything about what he thinks, feels or believes. If you don't KNOW it with 100% certainty, ASK. And be as honest as can possibly be about your own feelings, both positive and negative. The best way to dispel his fears is with total transparency. Answer any question he has and be forthright about it. This also means nipping problems in the bud by standing up for what you want and speaking up when something is not acceptable to you. Can't stress that enough. I hope this helps somewhat. Best of luck to you both.

Every couple has to face 'the first time'. Until that first time, there will always be some ambivalence among one or both members of the couple. If there were no ambivalence, the first time would be long past. Paradoxically, the least threatening approach may be the most direct (at an appropriate time, of course): couple-to-couple, 'we are attracted to you, would you like to play?' But then give them a private moment (or three) to communicate with one another to see if their desire is sufficient to overcome their ambivalence. Newbies know on some visceral level that they will eventually need to address this moment. If the answer is no, help them by offering a graceful response. If the answer is an enthusiastic yes, go for it. Good luck...