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Hi, this is Petra. Hubby and I are in a similar situation (I have one guy on the side), and the way we (note - WE) get women for hubby is that I recruit. It is a numbers game, but every qualified (meaning non-work, non-family, post-pubescent, premenopausal, attractive) female friend and acquaintance is a candidate. We will both take her out and treat her well, but I am the one that moves along any hint of interest. Hubby is an attractive guy, and if a woman compliments me on him, I move it along. By taking small steps we eventually talk about sex, talk about hubby, talk about sex and hubby. Then if it gets that far, I take that one last small step and say that hubby finds you attractive/sexy as well and it's OK if you two do it. I never rush it; it can take months. Women seem to like this approach better on two levels. First, it is another woman asking, not a man, so there is empathy. Second, by having the wife involved from the very beginning there is no question that he is doing this behind my back (and makes clear that this is just fun, not a hubby looking to dump wife for the right girl situation.) The question is what your girlfriend would think of doing all of this work. I really enjoy it, even the ones that don't make it all the way. It has worked out for us four times since we started, and have been serial, long-term, lasting relationships. Even after it stopped we have remained good friends, even with one now having a husband and the two others in committed relationships. The fourth is our current and "steady" girlfiend, so I haven't been recruiting for a while. Good luck and let us know how it goes.

We have been married over 20 years. The first 10 or so my wife was very jealous. I conditioned myself not to pay attention to other women and certainly not talk about them. Even after she started to get past the jealousy issues, I continued to be silent, even evasive with direct questions about who I thought was sexy. Not saying you are jealous, but his past indiscretion may have him in a similar place. When I am not thinking, I sometimes continue to do that now even though we are well past that issue, waiting for the other shoe to fall is a hard habit to break. She gets a kick out of it when I do it now and we can both have a good laugh. Every day it gets easier to leave that habit behind and often share, unsolicited, who I think is sexy. Another thought. He may be like my wife. I love Julie's game idea, but my wife would beat me 100 - 5. Why? Because she can rule a guy out on looks, but almost never thinks a guy is sexy until she has a conversation with him. For her, personality, brains and voice are what turns her on, your husband may be similar, who knows. I can literally never tell who is going to turn her on. I have thought many times that a guy would be a match for her or that a guy had no chance, based on looks, and usually I am wrong. Final thought. When we first started sharing who we thought was sexy, I was still using the perspective of "looking for a mate" even though I wasn't. That may sound odd, but it dawned on me, when I was dating I looked through the prism of "mate chemistry" not "playmate chemistry." When you are looking for a life partner you are looking for more chemistry, very few people match up for that. I had to shift my focus back to my early dating days when I was just looking for a good time, still picky, but not same degree of chemistry. I am not looking to share everyday of my life with a playmate, so I can overlook things that would matter if I were. The problem was, at first I did not even realize I was doing that. I am not sure I made a lot of sense there, but for me it made a lot of difference. If your husband is still in that mind set, it could be part of the problem too, no one meets his ideals, so no one turns him on.