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Wow, I feel honored that you asked. This is where I preface the conversation though with the fact that Mrs. Diggs and I are far from experts and there are many people here on this board (who have helped us) that have so much more wisdom than the two of us. We talked about this a little bit and here is what we came up with. I'm not going to give any real suggestions but just some food for thought. Taking a break is good advice but we think you are going to find it easier said than done. That's just our opinion but something kept you two going long past the point where two reasonable people, in love, would have stopped. That's what put you two where you are right now. You like what you are doing but it's eating away at you both for different reasons but you keep going because you like what you both are getting out of it. It still seems like you two have a lot to talk about as you are still caught up on the wrong things like MFM, FMF or another couple and it's becoming a contest. In a contest, there is a winner and a loser and you two are making this a contest and nobody likes to lose. In a relationship, you do things to please the other person because you enjoy seeing them happy; not because you expect any kind of reciprocation. I know you two know that but we all forget sometimes. You can't control the situation when you swing. Yes, you may have a small measure of control with a threesome but still that's limited. You have to let go of that fear or you will never enjoy swinging and it will just build more resentment when things don't go the way you expect. In my mind, if my wife wants a MMMF (she doesn't, not yet, lol) but the point is I would be supportive and say, "sounds fun!" We find that we get more pleasure when we do things for each other unselfishly. That also means that she should be understanding to your desires and wishes as well but you should be doing it because it's what you want and not because you think you can control it. Take time to distinguish the difference between jealousy and envy. Something we learned early on is that you can't compare your relationship with swinging. My wife and I have really fantastic sex because we know how to please each other but the first time she was with another man who knew what he was doing, she moaned differently, screamed, bit, scratched and had sex like we haven't had since we were first married. You have experienced this first hand and the side effects were you going limp. It is a little overwhelming and many of us (including me) take things like Cialis because there is a lot going on and it's distracting. My wife looks at me every once in awhile to "wink" and give me that "I still love you" look but then she is back to giving her partner the full experience. It's what I'm trying to give the other woman, my full attention and hopefully a fully functioning cock, lol. The benefit is that I have gotten to do things that my wife normally will not do for me. There were many points in your other post where I think you two were less than honest with each other and was a big part of the problem. Getting back to my point, we were not jealous of each other but there was that envy of something you have not had in awhile. We talked about these things and even tried a few of the things that had made us envious and we actually laughed a few times because while it was fun with the other couple, it just wasn't as fun with us and we realized that it was only the excitement of the moment that made it fun. That was the exact reason we got into swinging in the first place to get those "wow" feelings again. Once we realized that, it was like an epiphany and our experiences have only gotten better and better ever since. You are seeing your wife for the first time, the way you remember her from your past, not the way she is today and it's unsettling because your fearful of losing her. I heard the term in another post the other day "New Relationship Energy" and that is a perfect description. Swinging and your relationship is like apples and oranges; you can't compare them. Yep, the sex we have with others is really sexually charged way beyond ours but it is not a replacement nor can it ever be a replacement for the intimacy of our love making and the closeness we have built over almost 14 years. No experience is ever going to be like you imagine it. Take the scripts out of your head and go with the flow. You might find yourself in a position where you can't get it up, it happens, if your first thoughts are "great, he's going to get to fuck my wife and I can't screw his" then you are not thinking about your wife's happiness and putting it before your own. If she is with a guy that can't get it up, she should be happy to watch you have sex with the other wife. That's what it takes to swing successfully, in my opinion. As we look back over the last year and reread some of our posts, we laugh to ourselves and say "wow, we were very naive!" That's because swinging is an evolution and everyday we continue to change with each new experience and so will you if you continue in the lifestyle. It all starts back with trust and communication.

In regards to finding gals for "just sex" - it's certainly not like the quest for the holy grail. It's comes down to exactly how specific (picky) you are about partners. In regards to meeting partners in the Lifestyle: As a single guy in the lifestyle, I've found great success with many of the local swinger-groups in my area (most of them have Yahoo-Groups or other such bulletin-board type pages). I introduce myself... interact with the people on the group with respect & treat everyone as well as I expect to be treated. I *flirt*. I support those people who're going through hard times... laugh with those who're sharing a good time. I basically make myself into a "known entity" within those groups. ... attending "Meet-n-Greets" or other social-/non-play events is also a great ice-breaker. Some of these turn into "play-events" afterward ... but that's totally dependent on how well you've interacted with the folk at the event. I never walk into an event EXPECTING to have sex - that is the most sure-fire way you're going to feel frustrated and angry and do/say something stupid. Like... standing around with your dick out and propositioning every gal who walks by... "YES, I'VE ACTUALLY SEEN THIS!!" Be friendly. Be open & welcoming... (sitting by yourself in a corner and not talking to anyone isn't going to be perceived as "friendly or wanting company"). Talk to people. Don't just interact with those people who immediately make you horny - talk to EVERYONE and be a good person. (Even someone whom you weren't initially attracted to can turn out to be someone who'll blow your mind once ya get together) Don't judge books by their covers. Know that *most* of the people you're going to meet aren't necessarily "Ken & Barbie"-types.... and be comfortable with that. Since you're in your 20's ... most of the people you'll meet at events are going to be older than you. (Are you comfortable with that?) I've been doing this for more than ten years... and I've established some GREAT friendships with some of the folk I've met throughout the years. We've become friends ... and sometimes we get together & have sex. But the friendship is the core of my relationship with them. Now... this is just how *I've* done it. This certainly isn't the only way. Also... how much experience have you had with non-monogamous dating? (A *lot* of younger folk have never done this... they jump from one monogamous relationship to the next (serial-monogamy) and immediately cast all their eggs into a single-basket with each dating experience) This is a whole different topic / discussion which I could spend HOURS ranting about... so instead of hijacking this thread, I'll just say... it's something to think about.

Hi Newbie-Stewie, Welcome! More couples in their 20s are swinging, so you and your girlfriend are not alone. Just in the past month we've had a number of couples in your age group join the Board, so I hope you will register and get involved here, too. Some guys don't have much luck swinging and they want you to think you won't either. You'll never know how you'll do until you give it a go. SecretAsianMan is single, experienced, and has given some great advice on the Swingers Board. He offered a good suggestion. As far as how to approach your friend, since you say you already flirt alot with each other, that's a big plus. Flirt some more when you see her next, and when the moment feels right (and you have adequate privacy) bring up the subject of how you and your girlfriend are now open to "friends with benefits" and it's been great fun for you both. See how she responds, build the conversation based on her responses. Ask her what she knows about swinging, and tell her you're learning more about it. Being good, flirty friends for some time, she could be hoping for a day like this with you. I would suggest NOT trying to have sex with her on this next meeting. Instead, give her something to go home thinking about. A woman can become very turned on by thinking of the possibilities. Leave her wanting more. Good luck! And I hope you register so you can come back and let us know how things go. LM