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Hey to each there own. If there is a exclusive situation and it goes astray after a while, so be it. But I would be again a dead horse if I explain why I felt hurt. I do feel hurt after not getting the emotions returned, especially where I see his POV. My suspicions all along were correct about him and how he viewed things. I just cant hook up with someone who doesnt even want to see us for almost a year.

I guess what I am not getting, and I would image others as well, is this, how are you going to get accurate data. I can only see a few methods. Self disclosure - what is any different about self disclosure now, it is easy to lie and I don't see any incentive for someone to tell the truth if the would not in the current state of affairs. Disclosure by sexual partners - even if you could get sexual partners to disclose this information, which you couldn't at a level to be effective, it still would not cover aspects such as IV drug use and potential job related exposures (unless companies were willing to face law suits for disclosing personal information). Disclosure from medical professionals - Dr / patient privileged?!? Not to mention that still only covers medical status not activity - no different that have blood test results. 24th century big brother monitoring device - okay, back to reality now. TO sum up why I (maybe others) think this idea is one for the junk pile: Data - there is simply no method to collect data that is reliable enough for this system to be effective Risk = status. That is a false statement. Someone can be in a high risk group and be clean or a low risk group and have HIV. Why would I want to trust a system over my own methods of checking blood test, getting to know someone, and trusting my instincts about their truthfulness In a room full of swingers - everyone is going to have a a crap score, because we sleep with multiple partners - unless they are newbies. So we are back to blood test, getting to know someone and using common sense Further more, I don't think I would want a relationship with someone that put their stock in this system. They have reduce me and my wife to a number - nice way to start a relationship. How about this, try getting to know me, ask for blood test results, engage in conversation, ask me questions, observe my behavior. Novel idea. They are putting their trust in a system with so many inherent flaws as to be useless - if they are not being more careful than that, then they are too high a risk for me (kind of like the guy that says he can look at someone and tell if they are HIV positive - I would run away from them as fast as my legs could go) And what about the idiot how looks at his great risk factor/credit score and decides he doesn't need to get regular blood test. Don't kid yourself into think that wouldn't happen. And he becomes a greater risk out of a false sense of security. In theory a great idea, in practice it doesn't fly. SO far all I have seen from the proponents of this idea is how great it would be to have this system NOT how to address the specific problems of making it work. Many great theoretical idea's never make it past the "you know what would be great" stage because they are impractical, I think this one falls into that category.

Probably from this post that you made a few hours before she posted: Also...not to keep beating the dead horse: Being the martyr in the situation (I followed the rules to a T/I am perfect/I always knew something was wrong with everyone else/so on/so forth) is going to make it hard for your wife to empathize with you after a time...right now she knows she's hurt you and is probably willing to be demonized for a bit because she feels you deserve to do it...but like all parties who have done "wrong", there will come a time when she will probably tell you to get the hell over it. It happened, everyone fucked up in their own way with this situation, time to move on. Being the martyr is emotionally draining...it is hard to maintain perfection after all. You stated earlier that they never called...never wanted to hang out and do friend things (dinner/movie/whatever)...did you ever call them to make plans or was the ball always in their court. Friendship is a two way street...but there are levels of friendship...I have people that I call friends that *gasp* I only talk to a handful of times a year. Some friendships are more superficial than others, but they are all still friends. And if this was your wife's and the other couple's view point on the friendship between you and not your's...why didn't you A. try to rectify the situation much earlier in the game or B. not try to see the friendship as the other 3 people did?

Hmmm. Keeping score is not really a good thing, but this raises a question in my mind. Is it possible that the other wife was not all that interested in having sex with you anymore? Not that you're not an absolute stud but these things do happen. After a relatively long period of an exclusive relationship, she may have wanted to branch out. I don't think anyone has said this in this thread either, but after thinking about this and trying to put myself in your place, it occurred to me that part of your irritation with your friends is that you feel rejected. Nothing unreasonable about feeling that way, considering that they dropped you. You had an exclusive relationship with them and then they just dropped you, avoided your attempts at making plans and didn't respond to your efforts to contact them. In my opinion, if they respected you, they would have at least said something about wanting things to change. So on top of feeling rejected, you feel disregarded. Well, it seems to me like you are perfectly reasonable if this is the case. Actions speak more loudly than words. They might be cool in public but they have acted poorly toward you in ways that are important. The husband not responding to you after what happened, is another sign of disrespect in my opinion. Here's another thought: you said your wife and you feel differently about the state of your friendship with them. I don't mean to be bringing up the worst things all the time, and I apologize in advance, but: is it possible that she does have a different friendship with them than you do? One that she may not mention to you? Sometimes if it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck, looks like a duck... you already said that even when the four of you were "on", that you were most often the one who sat out a threesome. I would be really interested to hear what your wife has to say after the two of you talk about how you feel about what happened, and any new rules you may have for her in the future about this couple. I don't think you've said much about how she feels except that she still thinks they are friends.