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A couple of comments: Agreed, that was way too harsh. While I think your guy is likely manipulative and won't change, those were not apt comparisons. You can't help him, he has to want to change and lead the change. You can support him in what he does to change himself, but you cannot be the agent of change in his life. Besides expressing some glimmers of hope that he wants to change, has he done anything to actually change? Has he made massive changes in his life to affect a positive change? Has he sought out professional help? Look at his actions, not his words. Words will mask the truth, actions speak for themselves. It is far too easy for anyone to get stuck into an emotionally detrimental relationship regardless of whether they fit the typical mold of women who are in abusive relationships or not. Plenty of intelligent and confident women find themselves caught in those traps. Whether this is abusive or just not good for you is almost immaterial in my opinion. There should be one question you need to answer: Is this relationship truly making me happy right now? Forget about how good it could be if something changed. Is it making you happy right now? If it is not making you happy right now then you need to make a change. What that change will be is in your hands. Expecting your guy will change, or can change, is not likely. Unless he makes strides to undertake massive change in himself he will always be like he is right now, in the long term. Short term changes might happen, but you'll always find yourself back where you are emotionally right now. Good luck!

I don't think there is anything wrong that you posted here. It's best to make an informed decision. What I think is sad is that he is living his life for himself and you're living your life for him too. What about you? I worry that by staying you aren't helping, you're enabling. You can't help someone who doesn't feel they need help or admits they have a problem. That also puts you in the relationship for all the wrong reasons. You're life needs to be about you too. A healthy relationship compliments each other and you BOTH flourish. If you decide to stay in the relationship I'm going to strongly suggest to receive individual counseling so you don't lose yourself while dealing with the relationship. You may feel strong now but it doesn't take but a few years of a relationship like this to lose yourself and forget who you ever were. I know, I've been there.

Perhaps this coin has another side. I think this behavior is made easier through the internet with all the interactive blogs, chat rooms and flirt forums. I also think there are some folks that can manage some semblance of balance with the online flirting and perhaps even cybering (sexual chat). I think most folks that engage this behavior see it as a fun game with some sexual excitement and the intent that no one falls off the deep end and gets hurt. People, being what they are, some of them are going to be compulsive about this and maybe neglect other responsibilities. I think it CAN be a reasonably healthy game and maybe even a precursor to swinging or some other kind of sharing. We can't tell from here if anyone is into this deeper than they can control or deeper than is healthy. One thing that is clearly obvious from your description is that you two are not on the same page with this - and perhaps that's the biggest concern. This is a good opportunity for you two to learn to communicate better with each other. I suggest you try to learn his perspective and motivation - have him share his adventure with you in whatever way you both can agree to. Use the opportunity to get closer to each other and you can keep an eye out for any danger signals. He can also gain a better understanding of your concerns and be a rich source of sexual fantasy to help keep the spark fresh between ya'll. First things first, both of you must find the motivation to improve your communication with each other.

Instead of playing with people's feeling and hurting and deceiving them for his own fun, let's say that he is raping teenage girls instead, or perhaps robbing banks, or bilking little old ladies out of their social security checks. Then would you want to be trying to understand and support his pastimes??? What he is doing is wrong. Period. It is bad behavior and it is hurting and deceiving other people for his fun and amazement. You are trying to support and accommodate this bad behavior, that makes you bad too. This is not some sexual quirk or some kind of cute little fetish, this is predatory and abusive behavior. He will not be interested in swinging because one of the bedrock foundational concepts in swinging is honesty and open communication. This man is not just a loser he is a predator, a con man and a narcissist. He takes pleasure in deceiving and hurting other people. The person he is going to hurt the most over time is YOU. I realize there are people that get caught up with bad people and they feel trapped and alone. What I don't get is that you KNOW what he is doing is wrong and yet you want to work with him and support this abusive pastime of his. That makes YOU a co-conspirator and an enabler. Since you wanted sincere advice and not for people to tell you to leave him so here is my advice - Prepare yourself for a life of pain and torment and abuse. If you have minor children in your home, send them off to live with other relatives so they do not become his (and your) victims and they don't have to pay the price of your decisions. Try to squirrel away as much money as you can and do not let him near it because manipulators and narcissists will do whatever they can to get what they want regardless of the pain and suffering to other people. You have only seen the tip of the iceberg and he has only 'fessed up to a tiny fraction of what he is doing. You are going to be in for a long, painful road ahead of you.