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I'm not giving any advice, simply sharing my experience as a woman who felt similar to your wife. The first time I ever had any Bi play I was 18 and in front of my significant other and his guy friend. We played and the guys just sat back drooling but I have to say I didn't enjoy that aspect of it. I didn't like putting on a show. A few years later I knew I wanted to enjoy the touch of a woman but didn't want to put on a show. I met a girl who felt the same way as I did, we both were in long term relationships and both received support from our spouses to try it. It was so nice to not have that outside stimulation and I could really focus on her and what I was doing and receiving and get a good idea if I truly enjoyed it. I knew I would enjoy it because I liked being with a woman but not because of the naughty or voyuer factor. Both of our husband's were supportive and enjoyed just hearing about it. This happened three times and were finally reaching a good comfort level. One night we went out the four of us and her and I were so hot after each other we didn't care who was around us and the guys definitely got a show. I'm so glad my husband was patient and understanding! I really enjoyed Bi play for quite some time after that. I still enjoy it today if I'm not pressured into putting on a show or if there is some kind of expectation for it.

I've played "together," as a foursome, with hubby, and we've played separately (under the same roof, in different locations, and totally solo). I'm fine with them all. I am most relaxed, however, when I'm with only one partner in a room. Why? It has nothing to do with not wanting hubby around. It has everything to do with being able to focus on who I'm with and not worry about or, in the alternative, be distracted by hubby and/or his partner. That's me. I don't swing to be an exhibitionist or voyeur, even though those roles are sometimes fun. I do it to be able to enjoy the sexual experience with another. Maybe your wife feels the same. By the same token, if my hubby were uncomfortable with the thought, I wouldn't do it. Different comfort levels can be managed. Just consider carefully why you feel the way you do. Pushing through insecurities can be a good thing.

I think my mariage was already in trouble and the topic of swinging was just another excuse to end it. I'll try to keep this short: Early in our relationship I raised the idea, and she wasn't interested so I let it go. Later, as I spent more time away from my home due to my job, we started drifting apart. My ex discovered a new group of friends as our daughtered entered school and she had more time. One of the parents of our daughter's classmate was a stay-home dad and was into the lifestyle. My ex develpoed an "interest" in the lifestyle and suggested it to me as a way to keep me occupied while I was away. Her suggestion was that we would have the freedom to play separately while we were apart. I imagined we would play together when we were together, or that at least we would still have some sort of intimate relationship between us when i was home. She even got me a membership on a pay adult dating site. In the end she fell in love with one of her playmates and the rest is history. In retrospect, our marriage was not that strong to begin with, there was very little communication, and the ex's suggestion for joining the lifestyle was a cover and i truely felt we were on the way out anyway. The topic of swinging only added to the difficult situation and a footnote in the divorce proceedings. Bottom line is that there were serious underlying issues already.