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I was writing a comment to a woman who was upset by the fact that she'd been approached, along with her husband, a number of times by vanilla hunting swingers. She had a very negative view of swingers, and I was defending the community in general without really addressing the vanilla hunting. Some of the things I talked about included the ideas we all hold so dear: that you must be in a stable relationship and talk about things before you get into swinging. But it was at this point when I realized just how wrong vanilla hunting is; how it goes against everything we as a community say we value about the process of getting into the lifestyle. People on this board tend to bring up the importance of things like communication and making sure the both partners are comfortable before taking such a big step, even when it's not exactly relevant to the actual topic. We tell people here that you shouldn't rush into things and that you need to make sure you're both ready, etc. So then why is it OK to go out, find a couple and thrust them into the lifestyle without all those important considerations? Why is OK to grab some random couple and put their relationship in jeopardy in order to gratify ourselves? I don't think I've ever heard anyone speak out against vanilla hunting. We've never done it, but yet we never really thought about its consequence for a vanilla couple before either. I think people can be forgiven for not thinking it through, but after having given it some thought, it appears to be a wholly unacceptable practice. I have to say the the woman I had been writing to had every right to be upset that someone would endanger her marriage for their own short-term sexual gratification. What do you think? Is vanilla hunting wrong? If not, why not? If this has been discussed in detail, please forgive me. I did a search, but since you can't search a multi-word term like "vanilla hunting" I ended up with a billion results for "vanilla," which is so common I might as well have been looking through the entire forum

Based on your description of what you're looking for (somewhat, physically fit, for example), it doesn't sound like you're too picky. But, since I haven't seen the people you've turned down, I can't really judge. However, I can say that we were too picky when we first got into the lifestyle. We were both nearly 40 when we started swapping, but we looked like we're in our early 30s; maybe 35 max. We met when we were 31 and 32, so we'd never had sex with anyone who looked 40-50. I (Adam) wasn't too thrilled about being with some who looked 45 when the oldest looking woman I'd ever slept with looked about 35 -- and there's a big difference between the two (I say this as I close in on 43). Our first couple was in their early 20s, but our second was older. She was 44 and he was like 48. They kind of took charge and we just went with it. We had a great time and definitely lightened up after that. Since then, I've learned that being too picky just means I lose out on some great sex. In fact, some of the best sex I've had has been with girls who were older or just average looking at best. Don't get me wrong, a hottie is always nice, and I have to be attracted to a woman to have sex with her, but what I find attractive is different today than two years ago, and I'm better off for it. In fact, I would have missed out on my favorite partner (other than Eve) if my standards had remained where they'd started. And I'm extremely happy that I didn't miss out on her. Of course, as everyone has already stated: having sex with someone you don't find attractive is not an option. Don't do it! But, at the same time, I would say that if you're only open to models, I think you're going to miss out on some fun times.

In the OP's defense...she did state this is the very first time he had played alone, in their home, while she went to run errands with a child. Honestly, the first and only time my SO has ever went to play solo (not playing solo at a party we were both attending) I was a mess and probably had some of those same feelings as the OP. I hung out at school for a while, had dinner by myself, and went to see a movie (that I had an awful time trying to recall exactly what I watched after it was over). I'm just going to toss this out there...and I've noticed this in other areas of life...its awfully easy to forget what its like to be a novice at something and the frustrations that come with it. Sometimes people do things that stretch or trample on their comfort levels to try to expand those horizons...sometimes it works well...other times not so much. To the OP: have you ever had an alone playtime in the same manner?