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+ You have a very low opinion of what a married couple is capable of handling. Before we were swingers, we were vanilla. Being hit on was something both my wife and I experienced. It was not some mystical conundrum that we were unprepared to handle, even the first time. A simple no thanks worked almost every time. If they persisted, it became no. We did not need experience in the lifestyle to tell us it was not for us (at the time). Believe it or not, there are some pretty smart and stable vanillas out there that can handle a proposition from a swinger without caving to the floor in an uncontrolled submission. Unless there is some secret swinger power that no one has told me about, it is just people asking people for sex. As for ruining someones life. If someone ask me to do something, like swing, cheat, drugs, or skydive, and I go along with it, and it ruins my life, who is responsible? Me, plain and simple. I made a choice, with or without thinking of the consequences. If I did not consider the consequences then it would be stupid on my part, not the party that asked me, not matter how persuasive they were. Well, maybe I need to exclude Slevin, I hear he has to twirly eyes, like Kaa, that make you do things you don't really want too, so that's not fair. Do you really think that a couple that had NEVER considered swinging would buckle at the mention of joining in a foursome and jump into the sack? Only to realize the next morning something they did the night before but had NEVER considered of or discussed ruined their marriage? Sounds more like a bad movie plot than reality. If you want to throw other circumstances such as alcohol, cheating spouse, taking advantage of what you know to be a bad marriage, sure then approaching them would be crossing a line. But to approach an otherwise normal vanilla couple seems not much different than swinging with a newbie couple at their first social. Sure the vanilla couple is not at a social, but if they take you up on the offer, then it is not an idea that is new to them or at least not one they are incapable of understanding. If it hurts their relationship, of course I would have some guilt, just as I would with a newbie couple or for that matter a veteran couple. As for your Lawyer/IT scenario. First, if someone is speaking over my head I ask them to break it down in plain English for me. But it is not like having sex with others really needs to be explained, and if it does, there are much more pressing issues beyond them being vanilla. As for the lady you post about. It sounds like she is just irritated that she keeps getting approached, she has an issue with people in the lifestyle and she is voicing her outrage that we even exist or perhaps "the lady doth protest too much" and she secretly wants to give it a go. On the other hand if she took someone up on a proposition with zero thought and let it ruin her marriage, then all I can hear is Dan Aykroyd famous words from his SNL "Counterpoint" skit, "Jane, you ignorant slut" And finally, I know I am inviting heat here, but you response have been snippy on this grammar issue. Yes, someone pointed out your type/grammar error. Ignore it, thank them, or whatever, but don't escalate it. Which is exactly what you did when you proclaimed "Trust me, you don't want to correct me on grammar. I may not be the world's foremost authority, but you're not even close to being in my league." That was arrogant and you have been rightfully blasted for it. It become particularly worse, because I, someone who is horrible at grammar and spelling, have noticed other mistakes in your post. You have no idea who is on the other side of a post. It could be a Harvard English professor, a NYT editor or a best selling author. Do yourself and the rest of us a favor and tone down the rhetoric.

Susan here-- We met an interesting couple who had a no kissing rule. They were new to the LS So, I said playfully and mischieviously,"Really ? Are you sure ?" He said ,"Yes," and I could tell his wife was wavering and I walked up to her and kissed her deeply and she was very responsive to it. I then looked up at him and said,"Still sure ?" Everyone laughed and we had a great night.