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Congratulations CS, you have already established one of the most difficult things to find for us. You see, Mrsfun has a phobia toward doctors or anyone in the medical profession. Not just the people but the places as well. You can't imagine what a dentist appointment could be like, you really can't..... But I digress, although I can say without a doubt I could understand your fears, without making light of them. Small hurdles can be very big challenges to some.... Is there a chance since you mentioned "My husband and I established" you could ask him to do the talking ? Will this be a GP for the both of you, or a gynecologist for you only ? I'm not clear on that.... You don't have to explain the Whys as to your needs in full detail, and as a man who has good report with all of our medical personnel, I can say there will be no interrogation. Many doctors in this economy are just like mechanics, they don't want to give you reason to go elsewhere, they want you to stay with them..... One of you needs to come forth with your inquiry or live in wonder until you do, and yes, you BOTH need to be checked ! Is it possible for either of you to speak on the phone before the actual exam ? That might relieve much of the tension in asking for a complete STD screening. Your new doctor will probably just schedule a time for you be at a lab for your blood work and nothing more will be said, until you return for your follow-up. Believe me when I say, I'm not making light of your situation.... We can and do understand.... Try that phone call first, tell them you want a full STD screening to ease your mind in this day and times and your uncomfortable asking..... try it today, and I'll bet you feel better. Deal ?

+ You have a very low opinion of what a married couple is capable of handling. Before we were swingers, we were vanilla. Being hit on was something both my wife and I experienced. It was not some mystical conundrum that we were unprepared to handle, even the first time. A simple no thanks worked almost every time. If they persisted, it became no. We did not need experience in the lifestyle to tell us it was not for us (at the time). Believe it or not, there are some pretty smart and stable vanillas out there that can handle a proposition from a swinger without caving to the floor in an uncontrolled submission. Unless there is some secret swinger power that no one has told me about, it is just people asking people for sex. As for ruining someones life. If someone ask me to do something, like swing, cheat, drugs, or skydive, and I go along with it, and it ruins my life, who is responsible? Me, plain and simple. I made a choice, with or without thinking of the consequences. If I did not consider the consequences then it would be stupid on my part, not the party that asked me, not matter how persuasive they were. Well, maybe I need to exclude Slevin, I hear he has to twirly eyes, like Kaa, that make you do things you don't really want too, so that's not fair. Do you really think that a couple that had NEVER considered swinging would buckle at the mention of joining in a foursome and jump into the sack? Only to realize the next morning something they did the night before but had NEVER considered of or discussed ruined their marriage? Sounds more like a bad movie plot than reality. If you want to throw other circumstances such as alcohol, cheating spouse, taking advantage of what you know to be a bad marriage, sure then approaching them would be crossing a line. But to approach an otherwise normal vanilla couple seems not much different than swinging with a newbie couple at their first social. Sure the vanilla couple is not at a social, but if they take you up on the offer, then it is not an idea that is new to them or at least not one they are incapable of understanding. If it hurts their relationship, of course I would have some guilt, just as I would with a newbie couple or for that matter a veteran couple. As for your Lawyer/IT scenario. First, if someone is speaking over my head I ask them to break it down in plain English for me. But it is not like having sex with others really needs to be explained, and if it does, there are much more pressing issues beyond them being vanilla. As for the lady you post about. It sounds like she is just irritated that she keeps getting approached, she has an issue with people in the lifestyle and she is voicing her outrage that we even exist or perhaps "the lady doth protest too much" and she secretly wants to give it a go. On the other hand if she took someone up on a proposition with zero thought and let it ruin her marriage, then all I can hear is Dan Aykroyd famous words from his SNL "Counterpoint" skit, "Jane, you ignorant slut" And finally, I know I am inviting heat here, but you response have been snippy on this grammar issue. Yes, someone pointed out your type/grammar error. Ignore it, thank them, or whatever, but don't escalate it. Which is exactly what you did when you proclaimed "Trust me, you don't want to correct me on grammar. I may not be the world's foremost authority, but you're not even close to being in my league." That was arrogant and you have been rightfully blasted for it. It become particularly worse, because I, someone who is horrible at grammar and spelling, have noticed other mistakes in your post. You have no idea who is on the other side of a post. It could be a Harvard English professor, a NYT editor or a best selling author. Do yourself and the rest of us a favor and tone down the rhetoric.

First let me thank you for your response, I appreciate your concern, and for the record we know it may have not been the best choice, but we were not ready to try a club and we did not know where else to go. She did not want to try this with some stranger, she wanted to really get to know the person and get very comfortable with them and trust them. Furthermore there are a few things wrong with your statements/assumptions, first, my wife does not work full time, she works 20-25 hours a week, second, she does not work in the same department as he does, so their time at work is limited, third, I did think with my brain, my wife an I had long conversations about this before it even happened. Fourth, this is not my wife's career job, it is just a job to have until my youngest starts school whereupon she will leave and go back to her full time job, so if she has to leave because it got weird, no big loss. In addition to this, I also use to work where she does (I helped her get the job) so I know how much she interacts with this person. I must start my response to this with: I ABSOLUTELY, WITHOUT A DOUBT, TRUST MY WIFE. Having said that though, you are absolutely correct, things can change very quickly, but my wife and I communicate regularly on this and we check in with each other on our feelings, specifically my feelings towards her and him as well as her feelings towards him and me. If it were to start to go down that road one of us would end it. If she ultimately leaves me, then there was something else wrong in our relationship that had nothing to do with our "swinging". When we talk about an "emotional" connection, we are not talking about holding hands or being in love, we are strictly talking about some type of connection that allows her to trust this person. She has not been with another sexual partner in over 18 years and this was a big step for her, so she needed to trust the person, and to earn that trust, you must have some type of "emotional" connection. I should also remind you that this all started with MY fantasy, I was the one that engaged her on this type of life, she did not come to me and say, "Hey can I f*** this guy I work with?"... It was not like that at all... I am terribly sorry you are going through this, it must be very painful and I am sure when you read my post it brought back a lot of painful feelings. Before i was married I dated a girl that cheated on me and I remember what that is like, I can only assume yours is much worse. I hope you and your wife are receiving some type of counseling, it could really help with maintaining the marriage. My thoughts are with you and your wife... In retrospect that would have been a good idea, and my wife and I actually recently spoke about it. We are considering doing just that. Thanks again for your feedback, this is exactly why I came here, to get honest feedback from individuals with experience.