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Disclaimer: if you can't take criticism, don't read this. I don't think your wife's problem has anything to do with sex. I think 40+ years of personally enduring anything like what you've written in the above quoted posts can give all of us an understanding of her problem. Sure, when you got married times were different. Sex talk was hushed, and maybe that initially contributed to your wife's introversion. But reexamine everything you have said here and in previous posts. You have victimized yourself. You picked the weeds, you fixed the house...and you deserve a fulfilling sex life. Its all about how GREAT you are! And how BAD she is! But there is no admission from you about what you have done to contribute to her lack of desire. Not even a hint of introspection. You have a "look at my problems, pay attention to me" complex. And she's been dealing with this for over 40 years? From what I read, she hasn't had a partner who has helped facilitate a healthy, mediated, open discussion about her fears, inhibitions, questions...or anything about sex. Just a partner who uses brute force accusations (like the lesbian question, who knows what else you've suggested in the past)...its no wonder she's defensive. Combine your self focused, nagging sexual discussions with her puritan based childhood and all of a sudden the picture of your relationship is in focus (not to simplify 40 years in a few sentences..ha.). Let me ask you some questions: -How do you speak to your wife? -Are your "discussions" singly oriented on what you want in sex? -You mention "she never used toys, or buys lingerie"...but did you ever ask if she even wanted to incorporate that into her sex life in the first place? -Have you ever had a platonic conversation with her regarding the possibility of discontentment with the way she was raised, or how she feels about a woman's sexuality?? -Do you even know what she wants???? I know you've been married for 40+ years, and its naive of me to assume you haven't tested every avenue of communication...but, I am still surprised by some people's inability to empathize...and this seems like one of those instances. I agree with a later post when you say you both went into the marriage blindly, with no discussion about sex...this is obvious. But that doesn't mean you can't evolve. I think you failed big time by not employing the help of a marriage counselor very early in the marriage. Can't turn back time though. I disagree with any suggestion in support of seeing a sex therapist...I think your communication needs to be bolstered before any sex therapy should take place. Once you learn to talk to your wife in a constructive manner, then talk about sex can commence. And even if sex talk does begin, you need to understand your wife will probably not be exactly what you expect. You need to disregard all of your expectations...just be happy for what you have (if your marriage is ultimately what you want), especially if your wife is actually happy to be with you. And I agree with the other people who suggest your swinging lifestyle membership lacks fidelity...if she hasn't specifically and consensually encouraged this for you, then this has only further ruined her sexual desire. And if she doesn't know about it, then you're a cheater. So, to answer your question - No, I don't think your wife is a lesbian. Furthermore, current understanding shows asexuality is only a label...so stop the rigid categorizing. Your wife is more complex than a blanket label, as we all are. Plus, if she was truly asexual, that brings up more questions then it answers. Good luck.