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(him) Don't take that 'couldn't be better as "swinging made our marriage wonderful" because that is not what most people would tell you. Some thoughts, if I may: First the marriage has to be strong and the honesty must be 100% Secondly, jumping into anything without first talking (and I do mean more than once) about what each of you expect, want and don't want is absolutely vital. Third, rules that stop one from doing what the other can do will almost always eventually create a problem. This "I can do this but you cant", no matter how you may feel right now, will more than likely create hard feelings over time. Last but not least, this is not something you two can work out while you are on deployment. This is something that requires face to face open and honest communication and lots of it. Hope that helps and thanks for your service

If I can add my two cents... I am very very new to this as well, but what this forum has taught me is that you both have to be completely honest with one another, and when I say that, I mean an honesty that transcends your current definition and experience of honesty. If you can get there it will bring your relationship with your wife to a completely new level. Now having said that I would ask why does your wife not want you playing with another partner, hearing that makes me think there is some type of jealousy going on (or something else, maybe it brings back a bad memory/experience for her) and this can have a negative impact on your relationship. I would highly recommend exploring why she feels this way and, again, you two must be completely honest with one-another as well as non-judgmental. Acknowledge how she feels and see if you can take baby steps towards you having a partner. I can tell you from personal experience that when my wife and I started looking into this lifestyle, I had no intention of having a partner for myself and my wife was not arguing that point (essentially she would have allowed it if I wanted to, but she wasn't too excited about the idea). Well that has changed, my wife has shown an interest in me being with another female and I must admit I am turned on by the idea myself. As soon as you cross that threshold and enter the lifestyle, what you think you want now will drastically change... I hope my thoughts have helped you, if you have any questions you want to ask me please feel free to send me a private message or post it here. Additionally, I want to thank you for what you are doing for this country, please keep yourself and our other troops safe.

Welcome to the board and I also thank you for your military service. I'm retired military and I know the burden of dangerous deployments and remote assignments. I read your two posts and I see a complete lack of any reasonable indicators that your relationship would benefit from the open arrangement you describe. I wonder why you two are interested in opening your sexual boundaries. And I wonder how you both feel about the true fairness your rules. How will you know if swinging or your open relationship is successful? You asked for recommendations. I recommend you encourage your wife to join the discussions in this forum. I also recommend you two do a lot more talking about this before either of you take any action on it.

I really don't know squat about an open marriage, but, my spidey senses are spotting a train wreck ahead. You both have to be completely onboard to have an open marriage work, I do believe. If one of you isn't into it, I don't believe it would work like you want. I'm really glad she asked for permission. Even though you said no, I just think it's safer that way. If you don't know the gent, and he started getting a little rough on her, it would be to her benefit to have you there. Thank you for your service to our Great Country and I really hope all goes well when you come back. Just a FYI... Playing with girls is a lot of fun... Holly

Obviously that would not be a "completely open marriage". This has a funny smell to it and I think you should stop the idea while your deployed. Talk about it, sure. But wait until you are back home before acting on anything. This kind of hit home with me because I recently ended up spending a night waiting for a ferry to take me home with a guy who thought they were "madly in love". He came home after being deployed for three years and found the locks changed and his wife living with another guy. This was a young Navy guy who opened up to me and kept me company until the ferry came. His story sounded very much like yours. BTW-thank you for serving our country.

Yea, my recommendation, unless you have a cuckhold fetish, don't do it. My wife and i differ on a couple of things, she believes that we should have a completely open marriage but she is not willing to share me, no big deal. I think that i have that part taken care off. I think either you need to clarify what 'completely open is' or she doesn't quite understand what that word means. To me this reads, she wants to fuck anyone she wants but you can't. So..yea. Good luck.

That is a very good idea. When I deployed, I gave Jen permission to play with some friends of ours, but it was mainly because we had been friends with them for a really long time. I'm not sure of which branch you're in, but either way, the military doesn't look at adultery very kindly. I just say adultery, because it doesn't matter if you have permission or not, that is how the military will look at it if you get caught playing while you're deployed...just one of the reasons I don't do anything while deployed, even though I have permission. Well, that, and I'm a firm believer in the "don't shit where you eat" concept which is why we've never played with anybody who may be remotely connected to the base.

When the OP said "I think that i have that part taken care off.", I took it to mean that he was willing to comply with his wife’s wishes. AS to where to get started, I think you should put the brakes on everything until you return from deployment. Having an open marriage means you can both play although, this is not necessarily swinging. If only one of the two of you is allowed to play, this is definitely not swinging. Think long and hard about this, if you are not careful about how you proceed, you may be receiving a Dear John letter before you know it.

Here's how we started, a number of years ago. I read about a club in a nearby city and was fascinated about it. Couldn't believe that we could go and experience what was supposed to go on there. I got the courage to bring it up to my wife and she was not the least bit receptive to the idea initially. As the weekend drew near, we discussed it a few times and she reluctantly agreed to go. When at the club, we did nothing but observe. I was totally enjoying the surroundings, but my wife seemed less than pleased and was actually very critical verbally. I offered to leave a number of times, but she insisted on staying. When we finally did leave, the drive home was mostly more of the same criticism from her. Thinking that had been our one and only experience, as the next weekend approached and we began to make plans, out of the blue, my wife suggested a return trip to the club. That visit was much more enjoyable. We had sex together in one of the semi-private rooms where others could watch in ceiling mirrors. Afterwards, although always excellent, our sex life got even better. To make a long story short, we soon became regulars and most weeks attended all 3 nights that the club was open. As we have advanced in our experiences, my wife has been the one that has adapted most easily and has advanced most quickly in her comfort level with watching, being watched,soft and full swap. Confusing? You bet. However, you just can't tell sometimes when entering such an alternative way of thinking and behaving. I'm certain that there are a whole host of reasons why initially, even in stable sound relationships. Partners may be confused themselves and have to work through that before they can even communicate thoroughly and effectively about it with their other half. Excellent advice.