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I for one think it's well worth not pulling the trigger right away. Taking a few days or even a week to sort out your feelings, and get with her for another talk, seems pretty level-headed to me. You should ask yourself if you like this drama, though. It's a hard thing to admit, if true. I do feel that if your preferred future is with this woman as a monogamous, non-swinging couple, you are in for a future where you're always wondering if you can trust her. Even if you want to swing together, I'd have to wonder what else she is keeping from you, given past history. If you are interested in swinging with her, and would feel good about giving her the freedom to have encounters occasionally without you when she wants to, AND you are comfortable with the idea that she might keep the occasional secret about something else (money? sex? past activities?) then perhaps you have the basis for a relationship that could work. If you're confident that she loves you, will always act as your wife (meaning always hold your interests as a couple in high regard, always come home, support you in life as a partner, support you in your eventual old age, etc.), then perhaps that kind of arrangement could work. If, on the other hand, you want to be in control of how she expresses her sexuality, I'm guessing that sooner or later she'll stray again. Like you wrote, you don't want to be a jailer. Looks like she won't be jailed. So can you be okay with that? Because people don't really change. She's young and probably has a lot of drive and desire still left in her. Those are forces that are hard to overcome. I feel for you, Big Rock. I hope you think about things for a while and in the end go with your gut. It will probably steer you right. And, this may sound hollow, but you are only 30. You have lots of time if you decide she's not the one you feel right about growing old with. When you're 70 years old, what will you wish you had done? That's the barometer I try to use when I'm faced with a hard question. Best of luck to you.