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All good advice. Two things to add - Keep an open mind and approach it from the angle of what she would like, what would make her happy. You may be thinking exhibitionism, and she wants soft swap; you may think MFM would be great and she's turned on by couples play. Second, in addition to porn if she likes that, talk about her previous lovers/sex partners, and have her relive those who were most enjoyable for her. That lets her know it's about her, not you, and it also shows that you have no problem dealing with her enjoying sex with someone else. Take small steps: from fantasy, to past reality, to current reality. Hope you get there!

She doesn't want to seem easy, dirty, slutty, insert your adjective here, and by making this more of a 'romance' of sorts, she hopes to avoid this. Its also the wrong way to go about finding someone. Sure maybe you will find that proper couple, who wants to do that same, and is not willing for that sexual tension to get in the way, but you might get hit by a train as well. You will be meeting a people, with the intent of having sex with them, eventually. This is hard enough in vanilla dating and you have the whole 'relationship' part of it as well. Again I'm not saying it can't happen that way, only you are most likely really setting yourself up for disappointment.

For me it all came down to whether I felt that I could talk with my wife about anything. I felt I could bring anything up. In addition to that I felt that if I couldn't bring anything up and have a discussion about it then our relationship wasn't as solid as I thought it was. I want that solid foundation (and felt/feel we have it), so if bringing swinging up soured things I would at least find that out now. I could then work to improve it That was my thought process and mental gymnastics to gather the guts to broach the subject

My wife and I have plans to welcome home one of the boys from Iraq with something like this. She's going to be his stripper at his welcome home party and, coincidentally, only he and I know that she's my wife. We haven't flushed out the plan yet, fully, but we still have a few months before he gets home. It's an awesome fantasy!!