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So I am trying to find a way to describe me. Apparently I am very picky when it comes to potential playmates. My husband gets a little frustrated because he may see a guy that he thinks that maybe I should be interested in. And then I'm not. He'll say "what are you looking for?" "how do i even pass these standards of yours?" LOL....And honestly I have no set criteria in my head. Do I have turnoffs. YES...Are they the same for everybody. NO..(except for smoking...it's a turnoff to me regardless) All I can say is that something has to click. And it just don't happen. I have chosen 1 guy to join us in a MFM threesome in a year. Is he what I'd call idea. No....He's too skinny and he smokes. But something clicked and I felt comfortable. Here's something else. I have learned that yes, there are many different levels of swingers. There are people out there who in my opinion aren't picky enough. LOL ..Is there such a thing as being "too loose" within the swinger lifestyle? Honestly I wonder if some of these people walk into a party with blinders on. My husband thinks that I am so picky because I am just not into it. That if I was "into it" that I would be open to more people. I just think this......we go to a party to have fun, whether or not we find somebody to "hook up" with is irreverent. I am having sex regardless. LOL...I have my husband that I am more than happy to leave with. If we find somebody...fine...If we don't fine. I am just thankful to get out and be an "adult". We are parents of 2 great boys and we spend most of our time with them without many opportunities to go out without them. So I don't wanna put any kind of pressure on myself to "have" to find anybody? I am just enjoying the environment.

Sorry it has been so long since I have been on, with 4 kids and Hubby job hunting, we have been SO busy. The comment above is the one that resonated with me the most. I can't believe that something so obvious had not occurred to me, especially since this was the way I had felt about sex before I met hubby. While we were dating and I would try to explain this to him, the fact that I could have fun having sex without emotional attachment, he acted as if he didn't understand that. I think that's where my concern lies; I understand and have practiced fucking without love. I know how to put on the act and get into the zone so to speak. I dont know if he does. We are still discussing and exploring though. I think we just need to start slow. I was so impressed with the responses I got here. I think I underestimated the level of intellect I would find here, and I apologize for that. Everyone was very mature and respectful. Not at all like what I used to encounter years ago when I was out and about. Thank you so much for that.

Ya know, just sitting here thinking about the Best Sex Ever... The first time I had sex with Mrsfun was the best sex ever. She said she felt the same way... On our honeymoon night, we had the worst sex ever... (long story and I'm pretty much to blame) The first time I made 1000 dollars. I took all of it, in 20 dollar bills, threw it on our bed and we fucked passionately all over that pile of money (we were very poor and had children). But it sure seemed like the best sex ever. There have been many anniversaries that have led to the best sex ever. There have been many times we faced our own mortalities, that led to the best sex ever. One when the brakes failed on Mrsfun's car while taking our son to the dentist. We still look down the long hill through our city not knowing how they made it through all those traffic lights, untouched. Another when I was returning home from work our plane crashed in the landing strip, Mrsfun standing at the hanger watched it all happen... I can assure you, these were some of the best sex moments we've ever had. Having sex the first time with others, was the best sex ever. As well as the times (many of them) during and after, sex with others. When each of our children were married. Mrsfun and I had the best sex ever, when we got home after the ceremony's. Some times, the best sex happens that is out of our control and other times, we make it happen or just let it happen. I'm just saying, is it so bad to have the best sex ever, even with others. I can't wait until the next time, which might be today. For no reason at all...

I think this choice gets labeled as "picky" by outsiders looking in. Swinging is exactly what you want it to be (within the limitations of available resources). We each have different ways of selecting our playmates and no one way is more correct than another. It sounds like you have a very relaxed and mature outlook on this and I can respect that - even when you may decline my offer at a party. I think we've all been to parties where we didn't have sex, but still had a great time. Don't allow yourself to be pressured into making uncomfortable choices.

Hi, ShreveCouple! Glad to have you with us! My favorite people have always been weird. They're so much more interesting that those normal folks, don't you think? I remember what a damper "two great boys" can be on a couple's swinging career and how difficult it was for two great couples, who had the same blessing, to make time for each other. Sometimes it was months between play dates. We didn't quit looking for Mr. & Mrs. Perfect but we did learn to keep them in mind while getting to know Mr. & Mrs. Notsoperfect. We also found that there was no harm done if we sort of tested a couple early on by fucking them enthusiastically. It's amazing how quickly we were able to get to know them. Sometimes it was a one-night-stand and sometimes we kept playing with a couple for years. In both cases, it was sex with someone different... how bad can that be? You need to go at your own pace. Just keep communicating with your husband. My guess is that you'll eventually become open to more people. Alura

Hi, Your initial post is kind of confusing. It sounded like you two were completely new to swinging, but then you say you have had threesomes with a friend already. It sounds like you already know how to approach a friend if that is the route you want to continue on. We really like to be friends with our playmates, but we don't try to be friends before we play. We chat online a bit and then meet. If there's chemistry and they're fun we play. We don't want to waste time dating another couple before having sex. We're happy to meet once without playing. We just don't want to drag it out over multiple vanilla meets. This has worked great for us. We have made new friends and had some very hot times. We use swinglifestyle and swingerzonecentral to meet people online. I'm kind of quiet but I like to meet new people. Chatting online is really easy for me, much easier than talking in person. Then when I meet someone I already know them a bit and it makes conversation flow. Maybe your wife will be the same. Good luck!

Maybe that's your answer......he's been there done that lol! I suppose if you want people to not jump to conculsions you might have made that clear especially since your orginal post states..............you're considering swinging and contained not a word about the experiences you've had thus far...............doesn't seem to me you're considering anything , You've been there done that already. If what you really want is is an exact reason he declined the only person who can answer that is him. But if and I mean IF he answers honestly are you sure you can handle the truth. He declined ! Accept it and move on ; seems rather petty and demanding of you to question his motive when at the drop of a hat you expected him to run right over and do your wife. The man is a human being, not a sex toy

We have an attitude that being in the lifestyle is more like a marathon than a race. We indeed took our time, talked a lot, etc, before actually picking that first couple to play with. We've since had a wonderful time with a variety of fun couples (and some hiccups!). For us, that slow intro period, plus a few periods of slow-downs, is what it took to make sure we were on solid footing. That worked for us. Others here jumped into the deep end of the pool. Key is to make sure you are both on the same page as to how fast you go or you'll quickly find yourselves in situations that you are not comfortable with. If you wife needs time, then definitely give it to her. You just need to find out her comfort zone in terms of meeting people - at clubs, meet and greets, one-on-one dinner/drink dates, etc. Go the first couple of times with the agreement not to play so there is no pressure. Talk each time. If you are like most of us, you'll be quickly at ease with the fun people you meet, and may move to playing sooner than you think. As for friends, given that you are so new, I'd put up a big warning flag. Read the boards here. Lots of stories - pro's and con's - about playing with friends. The caution is that you have to almost go in with a worst case scenario that once you have broached that subject there really is no taking it back and it could cost you a friendship. Good luck!