Leaderboard

I think we've run two, possibly three, couples out of the lifestyle. I cringe just writing that. We didn't do anything bad, at least not on purpose! All three couples were relatively new, having played a little before meeting us, but not a lot. In retrospect, our mistake was the same all three times. We opened the door/allowed/encouraged/didn't caution against them doing what turned out to be more than they were ready to do. From now on, we will be very careful about this type of thing. It's better to take more responsibility than is really ours, than it is to feel like we could have stopped play with people we like and respect, even if they seem into it. When the two of us started, we pretty much dove in and didn't experience any glitches until a lot further down the road. So it's easy to think everyone else is just like we were. They're not. That's a perspective we need to appreciate. The first couple did a full swap with us and they both were smiling when they left, but it was obvious to me that she wasn't comfortable with something. Maybe it was the fact that I gave her husband a blow job so he could have an orgasm (he couldn't with the condom). He said his wife didn't do that, and I said that was fine, but if he wanted me to, I would like to. He wanted me to, and I did. Is it wrong that I didn't explicitly confirm that he'd talked about this possibility with his wife beforehand? Maybe it's not strictly wrong of me, but I know better now. Even though I think every couple has a responsibility to talk about their boundaries beforehand, and say "no" or "not right now" to anything they're not sure about, I will forever and henceforth endeavour to make absolutely sure that both halves think anything I do is okay. And actually, I don't know for sure that that was what made her uncomfortable. We've not seen them again online or out, and they never answered any emails. This was sometime during 2008. The second couple dove right in with us and did the "sleep swap" thing, sometime a little over a year ago. They had played a little before us, but not very much. We had had a soft swap with them the weekend before. My husband was completely entranced with this woman. Everyone was on a sex high the whole night and into breakfast. By the time breakfast was over, we could see the "Oh shit, I'm confused" look on her face and a little on his. They told us a few weeks later that they decided the lifestyle wasn't for them. We feel pretty badly about this and wish what they'd done with us hadn't caused them anxiety. We feel like perhaps if we'd done less, like maybe did a swap and then hung out for a while and left them to themselves, or even stayed the night but with our own spouses, that they wouldn't have felt so dislocated, and the result might have been different. We like them a lot, and like I said, Mr. Fuse was really, really into her. His connection with her was special and I wish I had called a time-out before we went too far. I hate thinking that I could have done something to make things turn out better. The third couple, after we did a full swap with them, wanted to go to their first party last NYE. They had played a little before us, but not much. We got them invited to a party, but warned them it was really not a beginner party and to expect to see lots of play. I think in spite of that, they were a bit put off by it. Months and months later (only a few weeks ago in fact), the guy told us via IM that the lady felt rejected because Mr. Fuse played with someone else first at the party, after having played with his wife about a month beforehand. This, in spite of his wife telling Mr. Fuse she wasn't playing at all that night. He asked her at some point during the night, and she said no. I really think the two of them don't see that night the same way, but I'm not about to go digging. He was put out by who knows what..everything...nothing. Anyway, our lesson from them is not to invite people to "playful" parties if we don't think they're ready for it, even if they want to go. I don't know if they're still in the lifestyle... but I hope not. They take everything too seriously. Now I feel like we're a poison pill... ha ha... damn... it's hard looking in the mirror.