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I still advise against reading too much into this. I think you're making of it more than should be interpreted. Yes, your wife's 'job' was done, in so far as her play partner was concerned. It's not at all surprising that she would start to shut down immediately after that. As you said, she'd had multiple orgasms. They'd had sex for quite a while. Plus alcohol. Let me give you another scenario, non-swing related. Years ago, I was driving home. I was dead tired, I'd had a very long day, had slept poorly the night before, and I was toast. I knew I was toast. I really shouldn't have been driving. I was struggling mightily to stay awake. I kept thinking, it's not far, I can make it, must...stay...awake. I did ok for most of the trip home. I didn't drift off, I didn't swerve off the road, and managed to stay at least somewhat focused. Though, if faced with an emergency situation, I would have failed miserably I'm sure. I shouldn't have been driving. But, I was keeping it together...until I turned into my neighborhood. Once in my neighborhood, I had several turns to make before getting to my house. I didn't make it. My brain relaxed, thinking "Ok, I'm just about there, I can start shutting down, there's no other cars around, I'm safe". Wrong. I woke up in someone's front yard. Thankfully, I didn't cause any damage to their property, mine, or myself. The moral here is I didn't WANT to fall asleep. I didn't PLAN on falling asleep. But, my job was basically done, and my brain shut down. No, it wasn't a miscalculation on your part, and she didn't fail to meet your expectations...because you DIDN'T express them. The only unfairly unmet expectations are the ones that are expressed. Really think about this. Did your wife fail to do anything you asked her to do? I'm not seeing that she did. Instead, she did everything you asked of her, and she had a great, great time. You didn't. But is that her fault? I'm not so sure this is the case. You're looking for answers to this, and you've been pegging her with questions to find the answers. I think the answers are largely within you. Yes, you do. But, the wrong reaction is to layer in all sorts of rules, and heavy expectations on exactly how things will play out. If you do that, some or maybe even many people will see you as a drama bomb waiting to go off. Nothing wrong with that. I expect men to treat my wife with utmost respect both for her and what is potentially being offered to them. It's no light thing to grant permission for another man to have sex with your wife. If they are not respectful, there's no green light from me. Not that my wife is my possession, to give her sexual favors away as I please, but I do have the privilege of having a say. But are you certain of that? Did he do anything you told him NOT to do? Maybe he moved her into positions that appeared to monopolize her, but maybe he was just having some fun and wanted to try other positions. When other men are having sex with my wife, sometimes they move into positions that make it very difficult for me to be involved. That's not a problem; it's just a different position. The same scenario can be viewed very differently. I've never taken anything negative from it. You did. That's not to say I'm right, you're wrong, but that your perspective is different and that there are other ways of seeing that are worth considering here, just to help you find your own answers. Does that make sense? Is this just your impression or has she said this post facto? Your impression could be utterly false. When my wife is having sex with another man, she can become completely absorbed in the experience, totally focused on the moment. It can be difficult for me to get her attention then. That's ok to me. It means she's really enjoying the sex and wants to focus on it. It doesn't mean she loves me any less, or is willfully, harmfully ignoring me. I think you found yourself in utterly uncharted territory. The reality didn't match the fantasy. Your unexpressed expectations were not met. You were let down sexually and emotionally. This could have been quite unnerving to a lot of people, far more so than it has to you. But, I think you're trying to discern patterns in the tea leaves that don't exist. Take a deep breath, relax, take a step back. Assess. Does your wife love you any less? Do you love her any less? Go from basics, move forward. Ok, so maybe he assumed, you definitely assumed, your wife maybe assumed, and the house of cards came crashing down. It defies logic, but emotions aren't logic. What she's experiencing is quite common. For days after an MFM experience, my wife...who is very loving, cuddly and physical to begin with...will be amplified in those ways. She's incredibly thankful that I enjoy her having sex with other men, and is in love with the life she has, as well as the man she married. She knows few women have it so lucky. If ever you engage in an FMF or an MFMF, you'd better be crystal clear with each other and your partners, or you're in for a world of trouble.