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Ok, this is one of those things that has kinda crossed my mind a few times since my visit to Trapeze. Granted, they do keep the sex to a separate area of the club and they do have staff that serves the food. But, it does beg the question... Would you eat out (dine out, that is) at a swinger club? When you are at a club and about to grab some fruit or a brownie off the tray, does it ever cross your mind to wonder who else has been touching that food and where their hands have been?

Well, I have to say this "solution" sounds better than the plan. Basically you both got what you were looking for, that being an MFM, and you didn't have to deal with the issues of stirring up an old relationship. And you had plenty of discussion along the way, hopefully dealing somewhat with the jealousy she has in terms of you being with someone else.

Sorry to take so long to get back to everyone. Well do to scheduling problems on both our part and his we never did meet with the wife's old boyfriend. But last Saturday night we did have our first MFM threesome and it was good. My wife had a good time and for me, getting to finally watch her with another guy was even better than I had fantasized about. I will be posting an account of that evening under the First Time Experiences section soon for those who are interested. This is going to sound bad but since getting involved in searching for other potential partners my wife had realized she can do better than her ex and really has no interest in meeting him at all now. So as things have turned out we just weren't meant to meet up with him. I want to thank everyone for their advice throughout this thread.

She already knows we are swingers. I plan on having a talk with her. I have a feeling her husband does not know and will suggest she have talk with him. I do value our friendship esp. as our children play together. We have only been friends for a short time but I do know I would like to stay friends with her. I don't really know her husband that much all I know is that he works a lot and is always working out leaving little time for her needs. Thank you all for your input it has been most helpful

You talked initially about swinging as a couple and that seemed to get both your motors running. Now she's claiming jealousy over sharing you with her old bf's wife. I think she may simply be selfish. What she may want is to complete unfinished business with the high school sweetie leaving your desire for some variety and spice just dangling in the breeze. I'd insist on the couples meeting first and when you do, seriously discuss a foursome. While in that discussion, observe and try to get handle on your wife's true motives. You may be in for an unpleasant surprise.

(her) Is it just me or does something just not sit right here? You start out with an "old flame" of hers (sounds like a coulda, woulda, shoulda) and his wife and now you're talking MFM. What happened to the wife? This whole situation screams 'major fishy' to me. Not trying to play devils advocate but this does not sound like the best scenario for a good outcome.

Absolutely, I would however disagree with the "list" ENCRYPTEDTX yes there are generalities that need to be worked out, whats in, whats out.. but worrying about being bigger, smaller, better or worse.. Bottom line, and the only red flag I see, is the meeting between the ex, and your wife.. even if its supposed to be non sexual. Be there, for support, and to make sure this is a person YOU want to invite into your bedroom or share your loved one with. I do not care if its 15, 20, or 50 years later, there is an unspoken question in your wifes mind.. If as you say they never actually did anything beyond heavy petting, the question of what He is like in bed has swirled her brain at least once or twice.. The trip and nerves .. it happens.. There is an unspoken component that hasnt been addressed by the rest of the posters. In a perfect world and I might wonder if its not lurking in the back of your brain.. The concept of fair is fair, or whats good for the goose.. Her frank statement about jealousy needs to be worked out. Sure, granting her fantasy, might lead to a relaxation of her attitude concerning this, but, it might not. It does suggest a small insecurity concerning the relationship you have, perhaps because of a previous expereince, I dunno, its an unspoken thing, but it needs to be discussed and she needs to be re assured of your feelings for her. Once of the things I always tell newbies is, be sure to explain regardless of what happens during the evening, at the end of the night, you are still going home together.. your relationship is first and foremost, enjoy sex, is like enjoying a great game of ______ (insert whatever team sport here) its done for mutual enjoyment and pleasure. I may be way off base, and concerned over something that doesnt need to be, but, I believe as was pointed out, cover all the bases.

I suggest that you make sure you are a part of every step of this process. Although your wife tells the ex you are on board, he has no way of being sure of this unless he hears your voice. You and your wife should go together to meet him and his wife. I don't think your wife should meet with the other wife alone. In fact, it seems it would be a good thing if your next First Step would be for all four people to meet. This way you know exactly what is said by the ex and his wife, rather than your wife trying to report back to you. It's very hard to remember everything that is being said during a meeting, so it would be an advantage to your wife and you to be in every conversation and meeting together. How you each preceive this couple's body language and responses may be different. Good luck with this. LM

To quote you: This ex was the first guy to ever play with her boobs or finger her. They did lots of heavy petting, including mutual masturbation, but no actual sex, oral or otherwise. He and his wife live in the same area she grew up in which is about 180 miles away from where we live now. ----------------------- It is erotic to hear and think about past history. We have done that and some of our best sex follows. However, 180 miles and reconnecting with an old flame would be to close and too dangerous for us. Personally we believe there is a better way for your first time. However that is just our opinion and we will not have to live with the possible:trainwreck: that may follow.

Welcome to the board. There are plenty of people who will tell you that exes and friends are not the way to go, and plenty of others who have made it work. One thing I would caution you about. Don't assume that her jealousy will go away just because she wants to have sex with her potential partner. Hope all goes well in whatever adventures you may share!