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If this sort of thing does NOT turn you on... I'd also like to hear about that too... especially from couples who are open to bi-sexuality. I'd be interested in the reasons why or why not it's a turn on. I'd love to hear what difference a gay man in the mix makes. So, whether it turns you on, or not, I'd love to get your opinion.

The original poster here, have finally made it through the full set of posts. First let me say a collective thanks for all who took the time to respond! It is quite amazing to be able to tap into this tremendous wealth of knowledge. Back to the topic of hand, I do agree with the majority of posters who are saying that this is to be taken as a learning experience. I have also found that how I view this changes from hour to hour and day to day so I will provide an update a little further out so that the curious can know how our journey is progressing. In the meantime, I'll add a few thoughts triggered by general sentiments in the thread and also specific responses to a couple of comments. 'curiousagain' asked the excellent question of if instead of falling asleep my partner had gone ahead and had sex with me would I have felt different about the whole event. I had actually asked myself the same question and the answer is a resounding "yes". As per my original post, despite feeling somewhat excluded I was very aroused by the encounter while it was happening but my perception of the event changed dramatically at that point when I realised that it was over. Understand that both of them ceased play _immediately_ following him reaching orgasm. It did seem as though my partner was willing and able to stay awake to ensure his satisfaction and then considered her job done. And, yes, I would go as far as to say I felt humiliated and cheated at that point. However, I have to agree with a number of posters who say not to read too much into this, especially given the alcohol involved. But I add that clarification as it did seem significant to me. A number of posters also pointed out that I am responsible for my own lack of involvement. This I entirely agree with and had I had any inkling that the outcome would have been my not getting to play I would certainly have re-engaged. My holding back was partly due to the fact that my partner was having a tremendous time and I was quite sure (incorrectly as it happens!) that she would return to me. A miscalculation on my part. As it happens I did not enter my partner or orgasm during the entire play session. Realise that I am not blaming my partner for this - I think all three of us played a part and I for one would not let this situation happen again. I can, however, see this is going to be a balancing act in the future. Clearly I want to allow my partner and any play-partner the freedom to explore but we also need to better agree on how we practically make this happen. lizandtom make the point that "..If you try to call the shots then your partner won't be as open and free as she was when she was a bit dominated with the other guy". I agree with this to a point which means we have some thinking and talking to do before we contemplate another encounter. lizandtom also commented that it "doesn't seem that you're able to handle when another single male calls the shots." I don't think I would disagree with that! In our initial flirting with other couples and singles prior to this encounter I have consistently found that I am comfortable (and enjoy!) her flirting with other men when they are respectful towards us both. When that respect is absent my feelings are entirely different. Initially this male did show that respect but I believe that his later actions would not be considered respectful, quite possibly the opposite. Interestingly enough, I would say that both of them seemed quite distant towards me in the minutes immediately following the encounter. At some level perhaps my partner although enjoying herself sexually felt some disappointment (disdain?) with me at that point in time. A fleeting sensation and not worth dwelling on, suffice to say that we don't own our own emotions. Back to lizandtom's comment, I agree that I don't want a single male (or anyone for that matter) "calling the shots" - I guess I'd hope that all involved are able to determine how things proceed, and in this instance I hesitated in asserting myself. One thing I should also add in my partners defense is that this was certainly not how she would have expected things to play out either. I am what most would consider an assertive (if not dominant) personality both socially, in business and in sports (I have a military background). I am quite sure that she expected I would take control of the situation which I did not. So in that regard perhaps we both found ourselves in uncharted territory there. On the topic of communication I have to say that neither of us even really thought of discussing our expectations with a single male partner! Now I think about it that seems quite bizarre - we kept thinking about how good we were at communicating with each other and forgot about the other person. Lesson learned and thanks to all those who pointed this out. Having said that (and this just occurred to me moments ago), while my partner was on a bathroom break I did mention to this fellow that my partner had an MFM fantasy, but nothing more specific. And as others have pointed out, perhaps our single male assumed my not objecting to his taking control of the situation in the bedroom to be a sign that I was happy with the way things were unfolding. Who knows perhaps as one poster pointed out he might have assumed that is what I was looking for. Yikes! In terms of how this is affecting me and my partner, I'd say we are both viewing it as a learning experience. She really did enjoy the evening (understatement!) and would love to try something else but is also willing to call a halt to all of this if there is any possibility it might lessen what we have. Oddly enough I'd say her love for me has grown significantly out of this which is not at all something I would have expected or can explain. One interesting side note of our initial discussions was her response when I asked her how she would have felt about this if the shoe had been on the other foot. Honest as always she admitted that she would never have let it happen, i.e. she would have intervened (which is what a number of you suggested I should have done). When I pushed her and said "but what if it happened nonetheless" she responded with her usual honesty and said "I'm not sure I'd be able to forgive you". Food for thought.