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Man, this is a difficult one. Mayby if you look at it like she read a romantic book. It's easy for a guy to be that romantic and seductive for a night or weekend, just like it's easy to write a book to win a woman's heart for one read. But, you're the one she's with for life! She'll never see him again! So what, she read a romance book on vacation and got to experience it. OK, I know, you still feel the pain but hope it's mitigated a little with our understanding. Oh, and don't try to compete with a romance novel..., and don't try to look like the cover either!

You know, I clearly laid out the whole scenario, including my complicity. I owned my mistake, end to end. I had an idea of offering something, but had no ideas of the boundaries I would would want in place, because I didn't know I would be affected this way. We've spent 5 years caught up in the reality of jobs, raising kids, and not having the time, money or resources to take time for ourselves. So, when she had the chance to go away on business, I offered her a freebie. And I totally expected her to take it if she had the chance. But, I really did assume it would be some kind of bar or dance hall pickup if it happened. When the reality of the story slams me in the face, that she got to enjoy a mini-romance at a magical place, when we, again, have not had time, money and resources (i.e. someone to take the kids for even a night or two), it hurt. But, I never got mad at her and I never told her she did anything wrong. I just said, I wished that had been me. That after 5 years of fully sharing, responsibility in our lives, and bearing the the brunt of the child-rearing, I felt like a proxy got to enjoy my romantic get-away. It's a purely, emotional response. Forgive me if I over reacted. But, again, I never placed blame. I owned my part in everything. All I asked was for some perspective. This is a swinger site, where people take leaps of faith like this all the time, not all of them work out, and sometimes people get hurt, even if everyone played by the rules. I figured I might get a little more sympathy and maybe some advice about how to reconcile such emotions. But, in the back of my mind, I also I expected to get some responses from people like you (and, read down the responses, you're not the only one, so I'm not singling you out). People who don't read a post for what it really is. People looking to posture, and place blame. But, I never cease to marvel at the hubris that nameless, faceless people are willing to show online, calling people names such as "coward" "spoiled child" and "wuss". Names that they would never have the courage to call someone to there face, because, even in the civilized world, there are repercussions for such things. Sir, you don't really know me. You haven't lived my life, or walked in my shoes in any way, and you obviously haven't read my post clearly enough. So, if you want to comment. Read my post again. Read it clearly for what it is, and what I have stated it is. And be constructive, or go elsewhere.

As my ol' Pappy used to say, Incommunicado, "Shouldadones don't count." I don't advise playing separately because it can often lead to a lot of "you shoulda!"(s) between otherwise successful swingers. In your case, however, it seems your wife did nothing y'all hadn't agreed to, including telling you all about it upon her return. You have no right to be angry with her or for not having tailored her experience to issues which even you didn't know were in your mind... and your mind is what we need to work with. That's where the problem is. I think it would help your state of mind to apologize to your wife for having inserted drama into a fun, new experience, in which she did no wrong. That will help you start to get over this. I think you and your wife have been denying yourselves too much in life. I remember when we had two kids at home (both in diapers, for awhile)... You need to play together to satisfy both your needs, especially hers to be romantically wooed. Imagination is key. Take her out and split a foot-long sandwich while pretending its a multi-course dinner at a 5-Star restaurant. Stop and kiss under the streetlights on your walk home. Later, when you slide into her, tenderly hold her face in your hands, look deeply into her eyes and say, "I love you so much." No other man can do that. ... and remember ... "shoulldadones" really don't count. Alura

You can't help your feelings and it's obvious that people here have different thoughts on it. Unfortunately I agree with most of them that this is one of those occasions you are going to have to suck it up and get over it. BUT... Maybe this might help ease some of the pain. My wife does not swing for the sex. I do. She LIVES for the romance. She wants that "flighty" feeling in her stomach that she only gets when there is someone there "wooing" her. Not speaking for everyone here but for me (and I think most men) we get hot and horny when a woman takes off her shirt. My wife NEEDS the mental foreplay to get aroused and therefore had she been in your wife's place it would have been exactly the same. The flirting, kissing, very touchy-feely romantic stuff that has you all worked up. You expected hot dirty sex which you are capable of dealing with but your ego has been bruised because you felt she gave something that was reserved only for you (tenderness and loving, etc.) Understand that men and women are different and realize that your wife LOVES you and it's not a threat to your relationship and you should be happy for her.

Wow, okay, I'm going to answer you on this. First, nothing wrong with having the emotions you had. What's wrong is indulging them like a spoiled child that misses their Halloween candy after eating it all. Regarding if someone played ,'catch,' with my son. If I told my son he could play ,'catch', with anyone he liked and my son had a great time, then, I should be happy for him. Also, I'd enjoy the next game. I have my dream car, a Lotus Super Seven. It's my second one. The first one was actually destroyed. Fortunately no one was harmed, it was parked. My wife was driving it home and stopped to pick up some takeout. I am never attached to a material object. I had no problem with her being the first to drive it. Virgin on a wedding night ? I would never have such a silly expectation of a woman. In fact, if I could strike the word ,'virgin' and it's supposed value, from all existence, I would. And, even if I held such things to be of value, my Best Man would never betray me. My friends are well chosen. Your wife went out and did what you suggested she do. Afterwards, you find yourself resentful. You built this moment in time with your own two hands. Deal with it. You sir, are a selfish , coward of a man and your wife deserves so much better than you. You seem to have a fetish for being first: lost games of ,'catch', the first drive of a new car and corrupted virginal opportunities. Such desires are those of the foolish. Lastly, if you feel that your vacation location is corrupted, then go somewhere else.

Ok first question, are you famous? Famous men will have success in this because many women are attracted to that fame and will want to tell their BFF they are having sex with some famous man. Are you rich? Now this is related to famous (rich and famous is best), but just being rich can help, even if they know you won't leave your wife because they could use the money and want to be pampered. This would be the classic mistress. Are you demi-god like in your looks? Are you the kind of guy that all the women turn their heads to see when you walk in a bar? Do you see one woman nudge the one next to them as you walk by to make sure her friend sees just how attractive you are? If so you are in luck, you can be a no strings boy toy. Now assuming you are not famous, rich, or extremely attractive, you have a problem, and a problem we have seen many many many many many...many... times on this board. The wife finds a 'boyfriend' in 2 to 3 days, and the guy is all happy for her and stuck waiting up on Friday night. The reason for this is simple. We men will take any fuck if we find the woman attractive. Sure you are married but your husband doesn't mind? OK lets fuck. Now lets look at it from the woman's prospective.... Sure you are married and your wife doesn't mind? Why would I have sex with you, when there are 10 single males and two married ones who are rich and might leave their wives over there? Whats in it for me? I can get casual sex at the drop of my panties, you need to bring something besides a dick to the table. Open relationships are rare, there won't be many women like that on the 'market'. Single males who are just happy to get laid are plentiful, I know I would be one were I single and wasn't having sex. I used to be one, it was called college. Basically what I'm saying is you might look for ages and never find anyone to just be your FB no strings attached. You are far more likely to find a woman who wanted to cheat on her husband than anything else.