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Maybe you are discussing these post with your wife, or maybe she is reading them. But you have gone from taking a break, your wife taking a break from the break, to concern about what was going on, to not wanting to veto the guy, to what appears to be a unilateral decision about reinstating the break and asking who should tell the other guy. In all of this I have not seen you referring to discussing it with your wife. I think it is great to seek out advice and drawing on the experience of others, but the apparent lack of communication here is what concerns me. Am I the only one that is seeing this or am I seeing it completely wrong?

Sorry. I shouldn't have generalized with my question. I know there is no one way that "most" people feel. It just seemed that the people we know all talk about having had fantasies of their wife with someone else, before ever swinging for the first time, and since this isn't true for him...and we haven't experienced our first time yet...he's worried about how he will feel and react if and when it does happen. It's helpful to read that others have had some of the same concerns.

From a female perspective, I have to admit that when I saw Bob orally pleasuring another women for the first time and viewing her positive response to him; I had a tinge of jealousy as that act I always felt was so personal and such an enjoyment and pleasurable for me. I sorta thought,(naievely) I was the only one he pleasured that way, and boy was I wrong. At the same time, it felt wonderful to me when I had intercourse the first time as Bob watched and Ken was totally into me. He is a Firemen and he was so aggressive; the sex was hard and rough and he said all the right things to me; ie, how good I tasted, I good I felt, what good oral I gave. Bob walked away and went to the spa with a group of other people. Ken and I layed on the bed and embraced each other and talked, and fondled and kissed for what Bob felt, I later found out, was longer than he was comfortable with. He was also not happy that I had allowed Ken to have unprotected sex with me and exchange fluids. Fortunately we were able to talk about it. He wasn't jealous and was happy for me, except for the unprotected sex, I realized it was very stupid on my part, especially since I was off birth control due to health issues. I had a couple of very stressful weeks after that and swore to Bob never again without protection. Tina

I think you've received great advice from all. Don't know how much younger than you your wife is, but that could be part of the problem; maybe he makes her feel young again or she relates to him age wise. What concerns me is that sex with you and your wife appears to be on the decline and even non-existent, is that correct? I think you need to demonstrate more confidence in your own abilities to satisfy her sexually. I think you need to be more aggressive with her in and out of the bedroom; you need to do romantic things for her, like candlelite dinners and flowers; buy her little surprises from time to time and for gods sake, take care of her in the bedroom. If she enjoys oral, and who doesn't, give her oral play long and often; it isn't all about penis size. Get creative in the bedroom; pleasure her with toys and don't take each other for granted. You need to find time for each other no matter how hectic or busy your schedules are. Don't use the kids as an excuse. If I was you I'd also spend the time to find a couple you are both comfortable playing with, rather than her playing solo. It appears that she is getting emotionally attached to this guy, which is a natural thing for most women, once she feels it is more than just a booty call for her; it will not be good for you. Most men and probably this guy as well, can just detach themselves emotionally; it's just sex for them. It once happened to me and after that I promised Bob that I could share my body with others, but my heart belonged to him. I think your wife needs to have that mentality as well. Sorry I rambled, Good luck. Tina