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The "wife with another guy" fantasy drives a lot of the men here and you will find threads about it but truthfully you never know how you'll feel until you witness something. For me watching my wife with another guy is the hottest porn show you can imagine. I love watching and helping Kissing doesn't bother me in the slightest nor does separate rooms etc. But one day my wife mentioned nuzzling her fav partner along his chin and I just about went ballistic. Somehow that was mine! I had to really stop and think about that one to reign in the feelings. But who would have ever guessed such an innocent act would generate such strong feelings. I noticed on another thread you are planning on starting with soft swap and I think that's wise until you find your limits. It just never goes the way you think it will.

From your response to my posts, it sounds like you thought I was addressing the issue of your feeling jealous. That wasn't on my mind at all. I am looking at a bigger picture. I am looking at how you and your wife have structured your approach to swinging and how it's working at this point. I want to talk about John. It seems I have a different take on him than most people who have posted. I don't find the things you've said about him and his behavior to be a problem. For him to say to your wife that he would like to be first in line to touch her newly implanted breasts, or to be top on her list of playmates, seems a natural and innocent statement a man would say--a playful, complimentary flirtation. And as he has been a regular for her, I don't think it disrespectful for him to ask for a play date if he had read your profile tag line (you do say to get in touch), because I think your tag line could be interpreted as a call out for help to get your sex life going again, and an existing playmate may feel he should come to that call. It could be a test also, to see if he could be the one to get you to change your mind about taking a break. I don't find this as behavior that would be radical or rude. He is testing the boudaries of what you and your wife will allow of him. Even in everyday work and life situations people learn what their boundaries are, based on asking for things, challenging things, to see what we can get. It's how we learn where we stand with people. John isn't the real issue I see as the problem. If it isn't John it would eventually be a "Brian, George, or Mark"--any guy down the road to whom you'd loan out your wife. When I hear a story like yours, I feel you have moved beyond using common sense; your thinking is being guided by a nearly addiction-like need for a sexual high you previously got from swinging. You're not getting it anymore, you said so yourself. She comes home from sex with this guy and no longer is interested in hot sex with you. There is a point where giving your spouse what they want in the name of wanting to make them happy, or because you love them so much, doesn't make sense when they, or you, can't see the harm it may be causing. This is what I'm trying to point out. I feel you should be looking at that big picture right now. It is not going to kill you and your wife to say no to swinging with John for a couple months. And if you feel that saying "no" to John (and your wife) would hurt your marriage then you are placing way too much importance in the role swinging plays in your life. I suggest that you think about where you stand with each other, with swinging in the future, and with your hotwife approach. LM