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Not to sound harsh, but as to the question of what you should have done differently, I would have to say about everything. As others have said though, best not to dwell on it, just learn from your mistakes and move on. I'll admit that's easier said than done though. How you reacted to the first comment is I guess up to the individual, some women would be furious, some would be reduced to tears, and some may just laugh if they thought it was intended as a poor joke. Despite how their personality may have caused them to outwardly react to such a comment, I think nearly all would have had immediate serious doubts about what kind of partner this guy was going to be and would have halted the whole thing right there and made a quick exit. When the second comments removed any doubt what this guy was all about, time to get the hell out. Add on top of that the other wife not feeling well, why would you want to stay? For me, swinging is about everyone having a good time, and if any one of the four seems like they are not going to, then I am done. It just doesn't work if everyone involved aren't into it. Now for my biggest concern. After all that had transpired, why in the hell would your husband send you out there and why would you do it? By your own admission, you and your husband are both upset, the other wife is not feeling well or whatever, and the only person who seems to be ok with all of this is the other guy who has already made abundantly clear that he is a total ass. No one should be "telling" anyone to do anything in swinging. Until you get that part worked out, then it may be time to take a break until you can learn to swing together by always putting your spouse's needs first on your list, and not what may be first on your list. I just can't imagine me telling the Mrs. to go out and continue with what is already a bad situation. Sometimes things may not going not terrible but not as well as hoped either, and we will communicate about it and decide together what to do. But, for one spouse to try to keep the other involved in something that has already turned into a train wreck, that's something else entirely. Honestly, if I were in your shoes, the hardest part for me to get over would be the feeling that your husband doesn't have your back no matter what happens. Just reading the words as you have written them, over your objections and his own misgivings, he kept you involved in a bad situation that turned out to be dangerous and could have turned truly ugly. If we ever lost that feeling of security that each gives the other, I don't think I would be interested in swinging any more.