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I think in many, many cases the husband brings up the idea. Then the wife tries it and loves it. And, in some cases has many more opportunities. I don't think there are many girls who go into it thinking they will be the ones getting the most action. People who play separate do so for many different reasons. I think very few do it to be disrespectful to their spouse. BigRock, I get the feeling from your posts that you are projecting your own issues on women/couples who play separately. Swinging couples have to communicate openly and make decisions together. We both want the other to be happy and comfortable. The women are not being manipulative and the men are not being wimps. They've just found what works for them.