Leaderboard

From a female prospective. When I play with new partner I never undress him before I make sure I got a hard on. Some teasing, kissing, caressing. Men are visual people they need to see what they are playing with, let her undress first her bra, panties, show you her pussy and show you what's she got for you. I know how intimidating for some men can be a first time with a woman they never played before and when he stands in front of her naked with a limp one and desperately waiting for it to get up it could be too much for a fragile man's personality.Usually men need clues that they are doing something right, they can't read our minds.Just get more experienced couple or partner who understands newbies. Even with my regular partner I never made him stand in front of me naked when he isn't not ready. Lots of foreplay and teasing first only then his pants come of. Especially men who are new to LS they can be timid and uncertain. They need to feel accepted and wanted and then everything will work. I wouldn't tell your prospective partners that you have this problem. It automatically sets you up for a failure. Too much attention to this matter is never good. Get to know them, make yourself comfortable, maybe go in a separate rooms,don't get undressed right away, relax and you will have time of your life. Sometimes men can have guilt that they enjoy it too much and they don't want show it to their partner in order to protect their feelings, again separate room makes you feel relaxed and more willing to experiment without anybody watching you. One more thing, I noticed many men we invited for 3 some would get limp when they see may husband's cock, almost always he is bigger and thicker. For some men who are not very confident it could be too much. They feel aroused but never get up fully erected. That's why I mentioned separate rooms, less distraction,more concentration on your partner and yourself. That's funny how we all are different. You mentioned public speaking. I can't do public speaking at all I just freeze but have no problem making out with several guys in front big group of people and I won't be passive participant. I will be fully in control and lead it but no public speaking for me.I guess it's all matter of practice. The more you practice the more comfortable you feel. Good luck.

The Fuse: First of all, thank you for your reply, and your support, they are both appreciated. At this time I would like to point out that if I cared at all about the "*societal* expectation of monogamy", then I definitely wouldn't have been in poly or open relationships in the past, let alone had friends with benefits in between. Society isn't involved in this relationship, my husband and I are. There are many reasons why I would prefer to be monogamous at this point. One of the main ones is the fact that I just simply am no longer sexually attracted to other people, as I've explained in a previous post. For my husband to be dating and/or having sex with others while I'm at home "knitting" seems to be a good way to unbalance a relationship, don't you think? I'm not good at sharing, especially sharing romantic attentions. Another big reason I'm uncomfortable with non-monogamy for myself at this point is all the potential drama and complications that are involved in poly and open relationships. I've seen it happen many a time before both in relationships I was involved in and in ones friends were involved in. Someone new comes in, decides there should be a competition, and the drama starts. Even when that doesn't happen, misunderstandings and rates of arguments go up as the number of people involved in poly/open relationships go up. I am not saying these relationships can't or don't work with the right people, I'm just saying that they take a lot more work and have a lot more potential pit-falls from my point of view, and finding those right people is like searching for a needle in a haystack for each and every single one. In the case of poly/open I still wouldn't be a good candidate, as I've said: I'm not good at sharing romantic interests. I don't like timeshares, I find them limiting. Swinging would probably be a good solution, as I don't think sex is the same thing as love or romance. Then again, I'd have to be present and involved, and that would require I be sexually attracted to the other people in the group besides my husband, which - considering what I've said before about not finding people other than him sexually attractive at this point - may be a problem. My apologies if I came off as confrontational, but I am the last person to put much stock in societal expectations and norms. I'm pro gay marriage; I have friends that are in swinger/poly/open relationships; I'm agnostic and can't stand religious fanatics (that includes fanatical Christians, Muslims, Jews, Hindu, etc. Note: I have no problem with religious people as long as they don't use it as an excuse to start trouble with others); I abhor damsels in distress that don't try to get themselves out of their own messes; I think factory farming is dangerous to human health; I think the pharmaceutical companies aren't being regulated enough and should do testing that's a lot more rigorous before putting certain drugs and chemicals on the market; I think that anyone in a relationship should contribute without excuse; etc etc. Now that we've made that clear, *takes a deep breath* In terms of my husband my above update should explain some things. Apparently he never said unhappy, he said "uncomfortable", which to me meant the same thing but to him did not. We've talked and he says he's actually happy in our relationship, just a bit uncomfortable with not being able to have sex with other girls, but that it isn't a requirement. Turns out we had quite a few communication issues when we were talking about this topic, and the small misunderstandings turned to bigger ones the more conversations we had until they got resolved. ~RB