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Troubled......don't make this more complicated than it is. You don't need to go see a professional......just pay attention to yourself. You said above that you got a woody in the hottub. So......use it when it's there Next time in the hottub.....fuck her on the edge after you're sportin'. When you're aroused.......geez.....don't dilly-dally around.....bend her over Come on.....take advantage of the situation. To put it bluntly.....when you've got a boner......fuck her Good luck and don't overthink this. Brett

I would completely agree on most accounts. But, in recognizing the issue as his, he questions the accuracy of his perceptions of her behavior. He MIGHT not be wrong about what he saw and experienced when he tried to connect with her. She MAY have been not just really caught up, but TOO caught up. My wife is the ultimate hostess. She may get very into her partners, and very en-rapt in what she is feeling. She may be experiencing something I can't give her (see afore-mentioned 10 inch penis). But I'm always part of the equation, and she can, and will, always pull back from it for me. What I'm getting at is, he may be very emotionally close to the situation. But, she pushed his hand away when he needed to connect with her. She didn't want him to be part of the equation, even as her "anchor" because she was so wrapped up in her partner. Let's give the benefit of the doubt and suggest that, perhaps the original poster's emotional state caused him to misinterpret what happened. Let's say she didn't REALLY push him away, he just thought she did. He should still be able to talk with her about it. She should be willing and able to put his mind at ease, at least for the moment. But, if it happens again...NOT her extreme pleasure, BUT her pushing her husband away, he would not be wrong in asking her to NOT be with him anymore. Because the connection is threatening. I realize when someone seems TOO close to a situation, it's easy to dismiss, or diminish their perception of an experience. I've seen it with my own eyes what happens when two people connect and lock onto each other like that. I was emotionally close to the situation. I also wasn't wrong about what I saw or the harm it can do. You don't have to be swingers for it to happen, and it seriously risks crossing a line.

Let me tell you something and probably half of swingers community or even more would not agree with me. I know my (ours) way of thinking slightly different then most of the people here but it doesn't make us to be worse lovers or spouses. You are welcome to trash my post if you want... We started playing separately because it was easier to find a right match without taking one for the team. In a beginning of our journey I found a partner who could push all the right buttons. I don't like multitasking and I believe my playmates deserve my undivided attention so do I. It helps better with energy exchange. And really what kind of BJ can you do when you get pounded same time, or you have to constantly think, "Do I show that enjoy it too much, should I slow down,what is the wife of my playmate thinking,is everybody ok?'' I requested 1 on 1 session with my new partner. My husband agreed. He has a big heart and he really wants me to be happy. At first it was hard because when I would come home I would be disconnected and my mind would be everywhere. I would think about my playmate I would constantly replay our session in my mind. My head is usually spinning when I come home in a morning or late at night after 6 hours of a sexual bliss. My hubby is a smart man he knows everything and can see that, I can't hind it. What helped me was I stopped comparing them. They are both great and both have different techniques, skills. I love them both even they are very different. I guess I am more of a polyamorous person then a swinger. I read somewhere that definition of true love is when you put your spouse’s interests ahead of yours. My husband is man who has a core and has a big heart and I wouldn't trade him for anybody, no matter how good this person makes me feel. This situation makes you feel confused and scared and you have all rights to be scared. When you start swinging you always have a chance that your spouse find somebody better but it doesn't mean she doesn't love you. Communicate with her validate both of your feelings, don't blame her and give her some time. She is in a aftermath stage yet. It will go away and she would cool down. Swinging has its potential risks that's why only stable couples can do that. We all go trough different stages in our lives and hopefully we come out as a better spouses, partners, lovers. We start appreciating a lot if things we never thought of. Sorry, I know I rumble sometimes. For most of the women it's really hard to find a right match, so be happy for her.