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I, respectfully, don't entirely agree. You could easily infer by your statement, that swingers are what we are, because we are enlightened to the fact that humans are basically non-monogamous. I believe that we are willing to explore our sexual fantasies and desires, which involve non-monogamy. But, that most of us are still, basically, spiritually, monogamous. Most of us, re-invent our definition of fidelity, because we still need the comfort of those limitations. We create rules for our swinging, and, if certain lines are crossed, we feel as cheated on as we would if we were "vanilla" and our spouse stepped out on us. Very FEW of us, have a no-holds-barred, open door policy for spouses to play. To me, this speaks to the reality of monogamy as intrinsic to most of us, even swingers. We just put a different spin on it. Re: the statement about couples divorcing or living in misery... Marriages fail, whether people divorce or not, for so many reasons. Most of them documented by psychologists (i.e., feelings of neglect, changes in how you view your spouse, insecurity and need for validation, lack of a positive male or female role model growing up etc.) Psychology is not subject to religious dogma or social mores, so, if non-monogamy were the magic bullet, it would have been highly publicized and treated as the cure for many relationship ills. At the beginning of my post, I said I didn't entirely agree with Couplers' statement. I do believe that there ARE people who determine/accept that they are truly, by nature, non-monogamous, and are "coming out" (unfortunately to spouses who are monogamous). But, I don't believe they are an emerging majority. I will say what I always say to my gay friends who are convinced that, somehow, EVERYONE is gay" It applies to swingers, and non-monogamists, and so many others...."there are a lot more of you, than we think, but a lot less of you, than you think.

I don't think any marriage has ever fallen apart because the couple didn't swing. But many marriages have fallen apart because a couple did swing and they (both) weren't ready for it/didn't have a strong enough foundation. So take it slow, and keep talking to your hubby about what each of you wants and is comfortable with. If you're cool with only doing FMF's, that's fine. But you should know that single bi females are called unicorns for a reason. And it's not a whole lot easier to find a couple where the lady plays with other women and the man doesn't participate. Best of luck to ya'll, and keep those questions coming. =)