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I have said many times, This Lifestyle is for very few and not for most. Chances are in most divorce cases the divorce is not really about the Lifestyle, there are other things and people use the Lifestyle to try to fix the problems or they will blame the Lifestyle for the problem. The Lifestyle can be great for people with great relationships but it will destroy a relationship that even has a small crack in it. The real problem is not the Lifestyle, other couples, single men or single women, it is the relationship that is involved. Most people can not and will not admit their own failures or relationship problems, that is human nature. They must always look to the outside or to the other involved in the relationship for the failure. It is hard to look at ones self and see that you messed up in some way. None of us what to see failure within ourself but most of the time it is there. People need to understand that it takes a different type of relationship and couple to be able to live within this Lifestyle and honestly, most don't fit the criteria of what it takes. Failure is the result of those that don't know the difference. Sorry to see you found out the hard way. Hopefully some will see some of the experiences posted in this thread and other threads and understand that this is NOT the way of life for them. That does not make them bad, just not right for this.

My take on the "buck up" responses is they appear when one half is enjoying swinging, but has issues when their perception (which can be real or clouded) is that their partner is enjoying it too much, or is not giving them the attention they desire at that moment (physical or emotional). The phrases "be careful what you wish for" or "you can't put the genie back into the bottle" come to mind. Sex is powerful and people are drawn into and react different ways when they are with a playmate. And every situation can be different. The original poster knew his wife was really into her playmate as well as recognizing the issue is his. Are these feelings real? yes. Do they need to discuss this right away, perhaps if it really becomes an issue? One either adjusts the behavior/expectations (and that can be hers or his) or they remove themselves from the situations that causes it.