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So, if darker (or lighter) skin turns you on while the opposite does not, does that make you racist? I have to argue no. This actually falls under discrimination. We all have things we look for in a potential mate or playmate. The term "racist" carries very, very heavy connotations and those connotations are muddying the water here. If a woman chooses to date only white men because black men are irresponsible, uneducated, won't keep a job, then yeah, that's racism. If she only dates black men because she finds the color of their skin attractive, then that's no different than dating only blondes. Skin color is also an attribute. Some are looking for the particular one I have, some are not. And for others, that particular attribute is irrelevant. So be it.

How is it embarrassing? I've been talking with my partner about playing with others for over 7 years. She is not ready to do anything sexual involving another person or persons and I have to be ok with that because it's not all about me.

There are no secrets. My impression...and that's all it is, an impression...is that couples who successfully navigate their way to swinging have three key attributes. 1. They love one another unconditionally. 2. They trust one another unconditionally. 3. They communicate with one another with absolute candor and transparency. That combination is rare enough. And while necessary, it is not--by itself--sufficient. There is a 4th. 4. Both members of the couple have to want to explore their sexuality beyond their relationship. Miss any of the 4 , it's a set-up for deception, jealousy and risks dissolution of the relationship.

Well I'm here to tell you that you can have a fantastic time in the lifestyle even when you are up front and honest about having HSV2. Natasha and I both had it long before we entered this lifestyle. We are totally out of the closet about our status, and we still meet fun, interesting, sexy people frequently... and then have sex with them. We put it front and center on our profiles on internet sites, and we have people CONSTANTLY contacting us saying "we have it but we don't put it on our profile" or words to that effect. Folks, if you are in this lifestyle you are getting exposed to it, it's that simple. There are "ethically-challenged" people everywhere that won't bat an eyelash while they lie to you about not being infected. The fun part is that 9 out of 10 people that have it, don't know they have it! They didn't lie to you, because they didn't know - but you've still been exposed. Oh and guess what - condoms won't protect you if they are shedding virus infected skin cells from somewhere other than their genitals. But at least the person who KNOWS they have it and knows the signs knows when it is relatively safe to play. Food for thought. Hswing.com is a great site for swingers with herpes, and it's grown a lot in the last few years. Highly recommended. We've met some great people through that site. What's funny is that we've met FAR MORE people through SLS, and very few of them put the info out there in the public domain. We are upfront about the whole thing, but many are not because of the stigma. The only people we won't have contact with are the ones who state "disease free" in their profile. Omission on an internet profile is excusable, outright lying is not. For those of you posting in the thread that have it - cheer up, there are plenty of potential playmates out there. Does it cut down on your "candidate pool"? Surely. Does it mean the end of the lifestyle? Surely not. Boris